PRESENT: C.M, B.H, J.G, P.B, F.B, P.F, K.S.

RESULTS: No 2’s were posted. DoD was Soapy who had a stinker and gained a meagre 19 points. DDoD was Kwok who also had a stinker on 25 points. Runner up on 31 points was Crocs. The winner with a remarkable 36 points was the rakish St. Rappe.

TOASTS: To Laura Trott who managed to overcome kidney problems to scoop gold in the cycling.

BUSINESS: The Comic has proposed that the bowling day be on Thursday 7 August. More details will no doubt follow.

Delboy has been reported as saying,” The polo shirts are being sold at cost price and if any more information is required you can shove the polo shirts up your arses.”

There will be no trip to Hunley in the foreseeable future due to lack of interest.

The sun was strong and the course quite hilly but an enjoyable day was had by the old warriors. There was lots of bonhomie and banter until an unfortunate incident at the last hole when the Chair took his tee shot from the wrong side of the tee markers. His shot perfectly arced onto the green. St. Rappe then informed the Chair of his basic and fundamental error. The Chair was not a happy man and had to forego what would almost certainly have been a par or birdie opportunity. Later it transpired that a wasp landed in St. Rappe’s beer and the semblance of a smile could be discerned on the Chair’s lips.

There was no further business and the meeting closed with the Cardinal in the horns of a dilemma as to where he should take his missus for an anniversary meal.

BURT E. KWOK( Hon. Sec.)

Dear Secretaries,

There were 5 Mohgs who turned up at Morpeth today, namely Mr McKay, El Matador, The Falcon, The Rabbi & Myself.

The results of today were as follows:

D of D: PL with misery 21 pts (saving his handicap for next week in the words of The Chair.

DD of D: HC

Middle for Diddle: GW

Runner up: DF (£1.50)

Champion: TH (£3.0)

No 2’s posted.

I have £2 in 2’s & Swears cash.

There was no meeting held so no toasts etc.

You may do what you wish with this info,

Regards in golf,

The Comic

David Findlay

PRESENT: P.F, G.W, B.H, F.B, C.M, P.B, K.S, P.L, E.E, J.G.

APOLS: Biggles, The Falcon, The Comic.

RESULTS: The Comp. Sec apologised for his tooth omission, before continuing with the results. There were no 2’s posted. DoD was Brains with 26 pts. On 29 pts., the DDoD was the Cardinal. The runner up was Soapy with 34 pts. Joint winners this week with 35 pts. apiece were the Matador and the Rabi.

The Chair rather huffily announced that he had taken soundings from non executive members who felt the meetings were running on far too long. He further intimated that there was little if any respect shown towards the executive and that he was nearing the end of his tether and in danger of joining a rival group of golfers where he might feel more appreciated.

There was no response from the hardened veterans who have witnessed these rants on previous occasions, so the meeting moved rather awkwardly on.

TOASTS: To Little Burty Kwok who last week posted a net 64 and ran away with the Bob Amos Trophy.

To Chris Minto who in the same competition achieved a hole in one on the 14 th.

To Rory for winning the Open.

To James Garner and Bob Torrance RIP.

To the two Magpie fans who perished in the Malaysian aeroplane disaster.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD.

There were no matters arising.

BUSINESS OF THE DAY: The clothing sub committee reported that they recommended that the polo shirts should be in AWD material. They further reported that there would be a choice of colours, namely, white, black or scarlet.

The Chair was probed by the Rabi as to the the cost of the shirts. The Chair will make enquiries and report back next week.

There was no progress on the bowling day due to the absence of the Comic.

The Cardinal has contacted Hunley Hall and proposed the overnighter for Sunday 17 August. The cost for two games of golf, dinner, bed and breakfast was a very reasonable £79. Please confirm your intentions ASAP but no later than Wednesday of this week. There would be a supplement for a single room. At present there are 15 rooms available.

AOB: The Cardinal has contacted Stocksfield and was informed that the MOHGS would be welcome to play any MONDAY after 11 am. The Cardinal proposed that we play next Monday. He will make the necessary arrangements and email with the details.

There was a feeling in the camp that today we should have had two three balls, followed by two two balls, so as not to hold up the group which was following.

It was proposed and carried that the Christmas Party be held on 15 Dec. It would be a three club competition with a trophy up for grabs.

There were many and varied suggestions for the après golf. Soapy proposed a better buffet in the bar area. Brains proposed a hot sit down meal. The Cardinal was keen on a curry in the town. St. Rappe proposed a buffet in the Vardon suite, which won the day by 4 votes to 3. The Chair was quick to say that if this proposal was adopted, he would be forced to bring his own M&S mass produced sandwiches.

On this rather sour note, the meeting was brought to a conclusion by an obviously very stressed Chairman.

Tee times for next week will be as per for those not visiting Stocksfield.

BURT E. KWOK ( Hon. Sec )

PRESENT: G.W, T.H, P.F, F.B, D.F, C.M, J.G, E.E, B.H.

APOLS: Biggles, P.B, P.L, H.C. APOLS for next week from the Comic.

RESULTS: One 2 by Crocs. D’soD were Straggler, Matador and Mr. McKay on 29 points each. DDoD on 30 points was St. Rappe. Runners up were the Comic and Crocs with 34 points each. Joint winners this week were the cheeky guys, Jethro and Brains with 35 points each.

TOASTS: To big baps Monty for winning the Senior’s Open and to Justin Rose for his triumph in the Scottish Open.

MINUTES OF LAST WEEK’S MEETING APPROVED.

MATTERS ARISING:

1. The Comic ventured that the Comp. Sec. had ” Made a rod for his own back with his ruling over last week’s Club Championship.”

2. Comp. Sec. immediately offered his resignation which was overruled by the Executive.

3. The newly reinstated Comp. Sec. was showered with praise in an attempt to repair his bruised ego. Adjectives such as omnipotent, final arbiter and safe and capable hands were proffered to further bolster his decision making credibility.

4. The Comp. Sec. had been assured by Crocs that it would be impossible to attach a big enough badge with three engraved names onto the sacred and revered Chalice.

5. The Comp. Sec. Will give great thought to deciding the outcome of the Chalice replay as well as future competitions in the event of a tie.

BUSINESS OF THE DAY:

1. The Chair announced that Delboy had confirmed that the polo shirts were top notch quality and would be knocked out at cost price.

2. The polo shirt sub committee did not report as promised, due to the enforced absence of the Cardinal, who was playing for the team.

3. The Comic who had to leave early due to previous commitments, will enquire as to the optimum time for a bowling day at his club in Gosforth. He will report back as soon as possible.

4. There was some discussion about the Christmas Party. Will the caterers still be trading? Did the MOHGS want a sit down meal? Should we consider going for a curry? Do we revert to providing a shared table? Are we willing to pay a little more for a more substantial buffet at which we could graze at leisure?

Many questions but as yet there is no one willing to grasp the nettle and nail his colours to the mast or take a punt on any of the options. This dilemma has legs.

There being no other business, the meeting closed at 1.15pm.

BURT E. KWOCKLES ( Hon. Sec.)

CHAMPIONSHIP MONDAY 7 JULY.

PRESENT: G.W, P.F, R.H, K.S, D.F, J.G, C.M, P.L.

APOLOGIES: F.B, P.B, E.E.

APOLOGIES FOR NEXT WEEK: P.L, P.B, K.S, D.F?

Mr. P.L agreed to chair the meeting in the absence of Mr. F.B.

The Championship Chalice was the prize in today’s competition played off the white tees.  There were no 2’s. D’s o D were Brains and Soapy on 21 points. DDoD was St. Rappe on 25 points. The runner up on 31 points was Burty Kwok. There was an unprecedented three way tie for first place by the Rabi, the Matador and the previous recipient of the trophy, the Comic, each with 32 points. The Competition Secretary, St. Rappe, was left in the horns of a dilemma. He pondered and cogitated until eventually with furrowed brow he announced that he intended to rerun the competition. There was a stunned silence until the lifelong Hon. President, Soapy, proposed that the competition should be decided on count back. This suggestion was put to the vote and was narrowly defeated. St. Rappe then decreed that the competition will be rerun in August and he will decide on the precise date after consulting with the rest of the fraternity. He insists that each MOHG should email him with dates when they are unavailable during August and he will use this information to decide upon the optimum date for the replay.

Kwok agreed to look after the Matador’s prize winnings of £2. There was 90p in swear money. Handicaps will be altered on the basis of today’s results.

Last week’s minutes were disputed by Soapy. He felt that he had been unjustly pilloried and lampooned and the impression was given that he was riding roughshod over the brotherhood due to his recent elevation to lifetime President. He stressed that the position was honorary and that humility was his middle name and the code which ruled his thinking. The Comp. Sec. endorsed the views of the Lifetime President and agreed that Soapy needed to use a buggy at the moment and the Soapmobile should not be regarded as elite transport designed to segregate him from his colleagues.

A suitably chastened Kwok sucked the end of his pencil and noted that Soapy was surely the best lifetime President we have ever had.

BUSINESS OF THE DAY: Brains opined that the 2 ball today should have been the buggy and partner.

The Comic questioned why he was not allowed to change his name, when the Hon. Comp. Sec. appeared to change his name on a weekly basis: Jock Strap, Jocky, Strap, Jock E. Strap, Jock St. Rappe. Soapy ventured that the Secretary should be allowed a little slack for poetic licence.

TOASTS: To Gmac for his victory in the French Open.

To Yorkshire for embracing the Tour De France.

To the Jockster for his victory in last week’s senior competition.

Next week’s tee times are the same as usual, 8.40, 8.48 and 8.56.

There being no other business, the meeting closed at 1.25.

BURT E. KWOKLES( Hon. Sec.)