The 9th. Hole is now in working order.

PRESENT: P.L, P.F, D.F, F.B, T.M, C.M, P.B.

APOLOGIES: B.H, E.E, T.H, A.L, H.C.

Due to an oversight, there were no Geezer’s cards today.

RESULTS: There was one 2 posted by the Rabbi. DoD was Crocs on 26 points. DD’soD were the Laird and Kwoks on 29 points. The Geezer was runner up with 32 points. The winner and champine of the day was the irrepressible Chair with 33 massive points. The Rabbi and the Cardinal had 31 points apiece.

TOASTS: The England football team for their victory over Lithuania.

To the Laird who won last week’s Senior’s Competition.

To Richie Ramsey who won the Hassan II Trophy.

CORRESPONDENCE: Soapy sent a postcard to the Chair to say how much he was missing the old codger and how he was nonetheless having a good time down under.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD.

MATTERS ARISING: The Chair promised to speak to Strappe about the possibility of a Texas Scramble when the time is right.

Dallmahoy is booked for May 10th. The cost is £122 per punter and should be paid by April 10th.

C.M has ordered a single room and it was decided that the other single should go to P.B. The remaining contestants will be sharing, thus: Beaton/Beaton, Findlay/Layton, Fowler/Gibson.

The Chair had been approached by the Bailiff for sponsorship for a Charity walk which he will be undertaking shortly in aid of Heart Research. The Chair has Sponsor forms which can be completed by interested parties next week. The Bailiff will hopefully complete a walk along the Roman Wall on April 27.

AOB: Mr. P.B informed the group that the Senior’s team are short of players on 16th. April, for the visit to Seahouses. Three MOHGS signified an interest, which was remarkably the number of players he was short.

It was proposed that there be a Bowls Day this year since it had proved to be very popular 2 years ago. Mr. D.F declared that he would attempt to make arrangements for a bowls day in June/July.

The Chair tried to make progress on the CHRISTMAS PARTY since April is just around the corner and time flies. The proposed venue was Ephesus but at present the jury is out over its suitability in terms of service and food quality. Mr. P.B insisted that he will try it out shortly and give a definitive judgement.

Next Monday is Easter Monday and the Rabbi has booked two tee times at 8.56 and 9.04. There appears to be three interested parties at present.

There being no further business, the meeting closed at 1.25pm.

BURT(Hon. Sec.)

Only 8 combatants entered today’s competition therefore it was decided to play Better ball. The 9th hole was out of commission due to drainage works.

PRESENT: T.M, C.M, P.B, P.F, P.L, J.G, F.B, D.F.

RESULTS: There were 2 x 2’s posted by the Laird and Rabbi who shared a pot of £5.60 which was in turn split with their partners, Brains and Straggler. D’soD were Straggler/Rabbi and Geezer/Cardinal on 39 points. The joint winners were Kwok/Crocs and Laird/Brains with 41 points apiece.

GEEZER’S CARDS: P.F(40p), P.L(20p), J.G(40p), P.B(40p), D.F(20p), —–£1.60

£2.00 was collected in swears.

APOLOGIES: Mr. McKay, Falcon, President, Jethro, Biggles, St. Rappe.

TOASTS: To the President and Lady M. to wish them a happy holiday and safe return. The Chair insisted on offering a wee dram to honour the couple before today’s proceedings got under way.

To Jocks and Mr. McKay to wish them both speedy recoveries.

To the Dept. Of Ophthalmology at the RVI for improving the Kid’s eyesight.

To the 6 Nations Championship for providing excellent entertainment and showing up footballers for the pathetic diving, conniving and contriving duplicitous creatures they appear to be.

LAST WEEk’S MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD.

The Chair apologised for being unable to attend the game at the Bridle Path on Friday. There are 4 other contestants interested in playing.

The Soc. Sec. Declared that he had made no progress with the Dalmahoy trip due to pressure of family commitments.

The Chair revealed that the President is Keen to organise a trip to Southport to play a game against his former golfing mates. This will be bottomed out upon his return from Oz.

The Chair remarked that the Geezer’s cards have added an extra layer of excitement and praised the Geezer for this initiative.

There were questions asked about the use of cards, in particular the 6 or more and the 3 putt cards, during a better ball competition and St. Rappe will be asked for guidance upon his return.

The Geezer asked if the MOHGS would consider a Texas Scramble. The Chair politely but firmly turned down the suggestion.

Tee times as per next week. The meeting closed at 12.50.

Burt E. Kwok(Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: P.F, J.G, T.M, C.M, D.F, P.L, F.B, K.S, N.McQ.

APOLOGIES: B.H, P.B, E.E, H.C, Biggles.

RESULTS: There were no 2’s posted, therefore £1.80 will be carried forward to next week. DoD’s were the Geezer and Crocs with 34 points. The DDoD with 35 points was N.McQ. The Rabbi was runner up with 42 points. The winner with a magnificent 43 points was the ever popular Straggler.

GEEZER’S CARDS: J.G(20 p), P.F(40p), T.M(20p), D.F(60p), C.M(20p), K.S(80p)—-£2.40.

There was £1.40 collected in swears.

TOASTS: The Chair welcomed Noel and invited him to play again whenever he was in the area.

To Mr. B.H who has hopefully had his operation and now recovering his strength and fitness.

To B.H and K.S who won through to the semi finals of the Senior’s Calcutta Cup.

To Soapy who won Saturday’s Competition with a massive 14 under par total.

To Lewis Hamilton who won the first GP of the season.

LAST WEEK’S MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD.

MATTER’S ARISING: The Hon. Soc. Sec. Is booking 8 places at Dalmahoy and will release more information shortly.

Crocs is booking two tee times at the Bridle Path on Friday 27th March. There are 5 people interested at the present time.

Beamish will be sorted when Mr. B.H returns from his convalescence.

BUSINESS OF THE DAY: It was decided that henceforth, the nickname for Noel McQueen will be Barney Rubble, due to his association with rocks and minerals.

The Chair revealed that Kwok has breached copyright by naming his old folks bingo group, St. Bedes Open House. He was further enraged to discover that Kwok has offered the name Open House as a franchise for a multitude of Bingo groups which will be unveiled over the next few weeks. The Chair warned Kwok that he has put the matter in the hands of his legal team, Lord Snooty, and that he could expect to receive a letter shortly, demanding 25 guineas per infringement.

A pub crawl in Newcastle has been arranged for Friday 3rd. April to celebrate the birthday of St. Rappe. At present there are 4 MOHGS who are definitely interested but everyone is invited.

The President announced that he will be absent for the next 4 weeks whilst he is on holiday in Oz. He gave his hip flask to the Chair for safekeeping during his absence and in a show of unmitigated generosity he also presented the Chair with a full bottle of Famous Grouse top up the flask when needed. The Chair accepted the gift with alacrity and announced that he would offer a tot to everyone on the first tee next week, to toast the President and wish him Bon Voyage. The President swallowed hard and gently wiped away a tear of gratitude.

The Chair informed the group that he had recently ordered a takeaway from the Manzil and that he was underwhelmed by quality of the grub. The Geezer had also recently ordered a takeaway from the same emporium and had been extremely satisfied with the comestibles. The Geezer revealed that his curry was rated with 3 chillies but the Chair refused to divulge the potency of his vegetarian concoction.

There was a question about whether or not a putt from just off the green should be counted in regard to the Geezer’s card for three putting. It was deemed that a putt from just off the green should not be counted because the shot could also be chipped onto the green. However as usual, the matter cannot be resolved without input from Mr. B.H, and he may wish to give this some thought from his sick bed.

Tee times for next week are as per.

There being no other business, the meeting closed at 1.15pm.

Burty(Hon. Sec.)

Ps. The results for those not already mentioned are as follows—–P.F(36), J.G(41), D.F(37), K.S(38)

PRESENT: F.B, P.B, P.L, T.H, C.M, J.G, D.F, T.M, K.S, P.F, B.H.

Whilst the Comp. Sec. was preparing to deliver the results, Soapy enquired about the possibility of his good friend, Noel McQueen, joining us for a game next week. Noel is a member of the Southport and Ainsdale Golf Club and a former lecturer in geology. Soapy remarked that a suitable nickname might be Rocky. The Chairman magnanimously approved this request and went on at great length about the core values of the society and in particular its sensitivity to embrace the casual visitor. Soapy was expecting a straight yes or no, so the Chairman’s eloquence left him speechless and not a little tearful.

The results were still not forthcoming and the Chair mentioned in passing that he had a rather stiff neck. Someone asked if he had been at the Viagra again. The Geezer asked if he could raise a point to which there were loud giggles and applause. Another MOHG asked if anyone had any experience of using this medication, to which Brains replied, “You can get hardened to it.”

RESULTS: There were no 2’s posted therefore £2.20 will be carried forward to next week. DoD was St Rappe with a meagre 24 points. DD’soD were the Rabbi and the Laird with 29 points apiece. The runner up was Soapy with 37 points. The winner and this week’s champine was the ever popular Soc./Fin. Sec., the Cardinal, with a massive 40 points.

The Chair remarked that there had been several gimmes given today and he expected that these  gimmes were fair and considered, by all groups.

APOLOGIES: Biggles, Jethro, Falcon and El Mat.

TOASTS: To the British Davis Cup team for their winning performance against the Yanks.

GEEZER’S CARDS:  P.B(20p), B.H(40p), P.L(40p), T.H(20p), J.G(80p), T.M(40p), P.F(20p), a total of £2.60.

LAST WEEK’S MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD.

MATTER’S ARISING: Last week, the Rabbi questioned whether or not continuous putting should be allowed since he felt that this gave an unfair advantage in regard to the Geezer’s cards. The Pontiff of Protocol, the Rev. Hallett, said last week that he would think on the matter and give a judgement this week. The judgement was, that he had consulted his golfing rule book and it clearly stated that the golfer furthest from the hole should be the first to putt and should be followed by the next nearest in order of distance from the hole. Therefore continuous putting was deemed to be unlawful and the maximum penalty for disregarding the rule was disqualification. There was a universal sharp intake of breath but no one dared question the pronouncement.

Mr. McKay rather shamefacedly admitted that he had left his ” In the Bunker” card in his bag. He was gently castigated by the Geezer who drew everyone’s attention to the astronomical cost of typing and laminating. He further requested financial assistance for the production of the cards but the Chair swiftly moved on to other business.

The Chair firmly reiterated his demand from last week that people refrain from paying in shrapnel and that copper coins and 5p’s were not deemed to be coin of the realm in MOHG currency.

The Social Secretary revealed that there were now only 8 contestants for the trip to Dallmahoy. He was given the green light to make arrangements and will shortly inform the group of their financial liabilities.

Hunley Hall, Beamish and the Bridle Path away days will be bottomed out next week. The Bridle Path is available on Wednesdays and Fridays.

Hopefully tee off times are as per next week.

There being no other business, the meeting closed at 1.34pm.

Burty Kwok (Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: P.F. T.M, B.H, J.G, F.B, D.F, C.M, P.B, P.L, K.S.

APOLOGIES: Falcon, Biggles, Jethro, El Mat.

RESULTS: There were 2×2 posted by the Executive, Soapy and St. Raggler. A pot of £3.80 was shared between the old codgers which included £1.80 from the previous week. The DoD was the Cardinal with 26 points. Kwok was DDoD with 29 points. The runner up was the Straggler with 38 points. The winner with a magnificent 42 points was the ever popular St. Rappe.

GEEZER’S CARDS: P.F(60 p), T.M(20p), B.H(20p), J.G(40p), D.F(20p), F.B(20p), P.L(40p), K.S(40p), P.B(20p)—— A total of £2.80.

There was a total of £3.40 in swears until Soapy became over excited, pointed aggressively at Strappe and was obliged to pay a 20p penalty bringing the new total to £3.60.

TOASTS: To Andy Sullivan who won the South African Open.

LAST WEEK’S MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD apart from the wording relating to the playing for the CHAIRMAN’S Quaich, which should have been—-” might be possible to play on MONDAY,”——– rather than, ” if possible on a Monday.”

DALMAHOY: There was much discussion about when was the most expedient time for the visit. It was generally agreed that there would never be a time when all MOHGS would be available. The Cardinal with his usual aplomb decided to cut to the chase and declared that he would make arrangements to book the venue for May 17 and if this was not possible he would try for May 10. All participants are requested to email the Cardinal by Wednesday to register their intention to attend.

The proposed visit to Hunley Hall is to be bottomed out next week.

A.O.B: The Comp. Sec. revealed that he was willing to arrange an away day to Beamish. At the moment a round of golf plus a bowl of soup and a roll was available for £10/person. However this deal was not available on Mondays.

The Rabbi was not happy with the interpretation of the rule for 6 shots or more on a hole. He claimed that by continuously putting, a player might gain unfair advantage, by finishing first on the hole and relegating others to be last, thereby collecting the card. Mr. B. H will give the matter great thought and make a pronouncement next week.

Crocs announced that the deal at the Bridle Path was available until the end of March and that he was willing to book the venue if anyone was interested.

The tee times for next week are unchanged—— 8.48, 8.56 and 9.04.

There being no other business, the meeting closed at 1.20pm.