PRESENT: F.B, J.B, P.B, J.G, D.F, C.M, P.F, P.L.

First impressions of Dalmahoy were that there was a very old clubhouse with lots of history attached, it was very busy with a strict timetable for tee times and the boys were anxious to get started while the sun was shining. Second impressions as the games progressed in tandem with the escalating wind, was that the greens were poor having just been hollow tined and the course was a definite challenge for the Morpeth boys with narrow fairways and the ever present danger of flying golf balls from every angle. We started on the shorter course which was the East course (I think), which was compact and much shorter than it’s sister course, which we would tackle the following day.

RESULTS: Whilst the temporary Comp. Sec., Mr. D.F, was collating the scores, the Chair revealed that in conversation with the Geezer, he had devised a means of secret recognition for the MOHGS which could be used in greeting a fellow member, without drawing any attention from the public at large. He called the greeting, ” Slapping the leather.” Upon meeting a fellow member, one should slap ones thigh with the flat of the hand and point two fingers at the fellow member as if using a pistol, blow down the imaginary barrel and return the imaginary pistol to its holster on the thigh. The Chair has an exceptional imagination, although he is quite deluded, but this greeting was adopted by the group for the rest of the weekend and MOHGS could be observed blowing down imaginary pistols for the remainder of the stay.

The temporary Comp. Sec. revealed the results of a very trying first game and decided that there would be no payouts until the following day. There were 2 x 2’s by the Straggler and Crocs. The DoD was Delboy with 24 points. DD’soD were the Laird and Kwok with 26 points apiece. Runner up was the Rabbi with 33 points. Joint winners with 34 points were the Cardinal and the Crocodile with a magnificent 34 points. The par 5’s would be decided over the two day event. The joint winners plus the runner up were each awarded £5 in prize money.

TOASTS: To Perez for scoring the goal that may keep Newcastle in the Premier league and to poor Burnley who are unfortunately already relegated.

BUSINESS: The Chair demonstrated his flair for the spoken word by declaring that the course in his estimated opinion was crap. It was revealed that the Chair had been humiliated in Frankie and Benny’s cafe earlier in the day, by being charged an astronomical £4 for a cup of coffee, whilst the other diners had enjoyed a full Scottish breakfast for a mere £5 apiece. This may have had an impact on his dour demeanour for the remainder of the weekend.

The conversation turned to religion, politics, morality and sport. There were good tales to be enjoyed and excellent ales to be supped before thoughts turned to food and the happy group decamped to the dining hall for a well deserved bite. The accommodation it must be reported was first class.

DAY 2.

The game was played over the West course ( I think), which was much longer and the wind blew even harder which made conditions extremely challenging.

RESULTS: One 2 was carded by Crocs. DoD was Brains with 18 points. DDoD was the Cardinal with 19 points. The runner up was Kwok with 26 points. The winner with a magnificent 30 points was the indomitable and ever resilient Crocs.

The aggregate winner over two days was the Crocodile with the Rabbi in a commendable second place. The par 5 winner was the Laird with Kwok in second place. The mystery pairs winners were revealed as the Straggler and the Laird with Delboy and Brains in second place. The overall winner without doubt was the course itself which proved, under the prevailing conditions, a very tough nut to crack. The temp Comp. Sec. distributed the prize money to the deserving recipients and was thanked by the Chair on behalf of fellow MOHGS, for his dedicated stewardship in the absence of St. Rappe, who incidentally, was much missed on this trip.

The Cardinal was also thanked for the organisation of the weekend which was once again faultless in its execution.

BUSINESS: The Chair was anxious about the consideration of future trips. He posed the questions—— What do we want from our golf? Do we drink too much on Sunday nights? These very important deliberations were left hanging, to be bottomed out at a future date. MOHGS do not take decisions lightly.

The final thoughts in a nutshell—— The camaraderie and cuisine were superb. Breakfast and dinner were a delight although an interpreter was needed to translate the dinner menu which was  very cordon bleu. The course left a lot to be desired. Overall very good value for money.

Delboy had a long drive ahead to the distant outpost of Windsor. Crocs was concerned about the oil consumption of his car and the others were brought back down to earth with the knowledge that the honeymoon was over and it was time to bust out of the bubble and return to real life with its attendant problems and rewards.

The meeting closed at 2.30pm.

BURT KWOK ( Hon. Sec.)