PRESENT: J.G, D.F, A.B-W, B.H, G.A, P.F, T.M, E.E, P.B, G.W, P.L, J.P, K.S, F.B, C.M.

APOLOGIES: Biggles, Falcon, Prof, Shagpile.

RESULTS: Two 2’s were posted by El Mat and Soapy. On 22 points, the DoD was the unfortunate Jocks. The DDoD on 23 points was the Laird, but in mitigation, he had only 4 hours kip after returning from his vacation in Tenerife at 3 in the morning. In joint second place were Soapy and Kwok with 37 points apiece. This week’s champine after a long absence and convalescence was the indomitable Jethro with 38 points.

TOASTS: Jethro proposed a toast to all the Celtic nations for their remarkable triumphs over the weekend in the Rugby World Cup.

The Chair at this point, rather petulantly, gave an unnecessary rebuke to Strap, after being correctly advised by the Strap on the meeting’s running order.

FINANCES: £5.60 was collected in swears.

GEEZERS CARDS: G.W(40), P.F(20), G.A(80), K.S(20), B.H(20), F.B(40), P.L(20), J.G(80), P.B(40), E.E(40), J.P(20), T.M(40), C.M(20).——–£4.80 At this juncture the Comp. Sec. made haste to repair to the bar for refreshments and inadvertently chinned the Chair, who fell in a heap a la Diego Costa, and looked around for sympathy which alas was nor forthcoming. He then rather sheepishly rubbed his chin and continued hesitantly with the meeting.

LAST WEEK’S MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD.

There were no matters arising.

BUSINESS OF THE DAY: Soapy took centre stage and distributed a tome of literature to the lucky participants of the Southport jolly. He then produced a map and fluently described the directions to the course. There are currently 11 registered travellers, who should arrive at the destination no later than 1.30, for a 2 pm tee off. Some of the guests may wish to avail themselves of the par 3 course, which takes an hour and a half to complete and for which places are allocated on an ad hoc basis. Paxo agreed to give a lift to the Chair, whilst the President will be ferried to the event by the ever generous Shotgun. It was suggested that the group should leave their bases at 9-9.30 in order to arrive in good time. Soapy appealed to all contestants to rendezvous at the clubhouse as near to 1pm as possible.

The ever generous President, revealed that he intends to award special prizes to the player who loses the most balls in the water hazards and to the player who loses the least.

In the light of the recent revelations about David Cameron’s initiation ceremonies at University, the President was asked if he had succumbed to any such tomfoolery whilst he was a member of the Oxford set. The President took to his feet and revealed that he had indeed been inveigled into a sect called the Woodpeckers. He then produced pictorial evidence of the select group of eight finely tuned young male athletes as well as a well worn jumper with the woodpecker logo embellished on the midriff. Soapy would not be drawn on whether or not the sect was exclusive or indeed if their was a pecking order of peckers, but the intimation was that as peckers go, Soapy was the dogs bollocks!

CHRISTMAS PARTY: The Chair called for immediate action on the Christmas party and informed the group that there would be a detailed discussion in two weeks time. The proposal on the table at the moment is for the usual game of golf and then a trip into Morpeth for an Indian. No date has yet been set although both the Laird and the Geezer will be away after the first week of December. There was a proposal to have the party on 1 Dec. in order to accommodate the aforementioned but some thought that this was too early. The President proposed a pre and après Christmas party, tongue in cheek, but he did feel that we ought to support the Golf club by celebrating the festive occasion in the clubhouse.

The Geezer asked that the group give serious thought to having a Texas Scramble at a future Monday fixture.

The Laird revealed that the Gosforth Bowling Club were thankful for the MOHGS donation after the recent outing.

Brains has booked two tees for next Monday at 8.40 and 8.48.

There was no other business so the meeting closed at 1.40.

BURT E. KWOK( Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: R.Y, G.W, P.L, F.B, C.M, J.G,  M.M, R.H, A.L, K.S, G.A, K.S

APOLOGIES: D.F, P.B, P.F, T.M, H.C, A.B-W.

RESULTS: There was one 2 posted  by C.M. DoD with 28 points was Shagpile & DDoD with 30 points was the Straggler. Biggles was the runner up with 36 points. The winner with a creditable 38 points was the ever popular Soapy.

GEEZERS CARDS: A.L(80p), R.Y(40p), J.G(40p), C.M(60p), G.A(20p), F.B(20p), —-£2.80.

SWEAR BOX: Total of £2.20

The Rabbi took charge of the Geezer’s Cards & Swear Box funds totalling £5.00

TOASTS: To the G.B. Tennis team led by Andy Murray for their defeat of Oz. And reaching the final of the Davis Cup.

To Soapy and The Straggler for their succeses in the last Seniors Competition

To Jocks for the organisation of the match etc. at the excellent away day at Beamish Park G.C.

LAST WEEK’S MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

MATTERS ARISING: The Straggler reported that he had received criticism from certain parties on the fact that he had represented the Dirty Dozen at Beamish and that if he had played for the Mohgs and Jocks had played for the Dirty Dozen the result would have been 3-3. This of course has no scientific basis as there is no way of knowing what the results of different individual matches would have been with the revised pairings chosen by the captain. The D.D. were one short and as the Straggler was an ex member of BPGC and Jocks had stated in the past that in these matches he would play for the “away” team when possible the Straggler agreed to play for the D.D. who were one man short in the interests of friendship and comraderie. The situation was further complicated when Desmond [N.B.] dropped out after the pairings had been finalised but this was overcome by the inclusion of the 2nd reserve Shagpile with slight adjustment to the pairings in order to allow him to share a buggy with Soapy.  J.G., G.W., and M.M. departed about this time if not before.

A.O.B. : The Rabbi and Jocks had played the final of the Chairman’s Quaich which was won by Jocks 5&4 who was presented with the said Quaich which he humbly accepted and was asked to immediatelty return it to Crocs for engraving the allegedly solid silver trophy.

TEE TIMES NEXT WEEK: Tee booked next Monday @ not known.

Meeting closed about 13.15 pm

Jock St Rappe

Temp. Sec.

PRESENT: B.Y, G.W, H.C, J.P, P.F, P.L, F.B, C.M, J.G, T.M, M.M, A. B-W.

APOLOGIES: B.H, D.F, A.L, K.S, P.B.

RESULTS: There was 1 x 2 by T.M. DoD with 23 points was Shotgun. DDoD with 24 points was Shagpile. Crocs was the runner up with 35 points. The winner with a remarkable 37 points off the white tees was the resourceful Rabbi.

GEEZERS CARDS: P.L(20p), B.Y(60p), P.F(20p), G.W(20p), J.G(40p), C.M(20p), H.C(20p), J.P(20p), F.B(20p), M.M(20p), A.B-W(80p).—-£3.40.

THERE WAS NOTHING DEEMED WORTHY OF TOASTING.

The swears total was £2.40.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

MATTERS ARISING: Delboy was spitting pips about the fact that he was reported as being behind with his payment for the Southport trip. He allegedly contacted Soapy for his bank details in order to transfer the cash into the Old Codgers account but received no reply and is indeed still waiting for a reply. The other Beaton brother, the Chair, is under the impression that Soapy owes him and that in recompense, Soapy will be paying for his accommodation.

AOB: H.C was unhappy with the fact that no one seems to have a scorecard on Mondays and they are becoming too reliant on the Chair to provide the cards. The Chair shrugged his huge shoulders and reassured Harry that it was no big deal and that he was more than happy to provide this little service for the boys.

BEAMISH: The Chair appealed for everyone to attend promptly next week. He suggested an arrival time of 9-9.30, in order to leave plenty of time for coffee and sandwiches.

There was general consensus that there is not enough sand in the bunkers. The Chair agreed but counselled that it was the responsibility of others to make appropriate arrangements.

The Falcon and Kwok apologised for their absences for the next couple of weeks.

There being no other business, the meeting closed at 1.15.

BURT E. KWOK( Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: FB ‘The Straggler’ (who did a prompt bunk after the first toast), PL ‘The Rabbi’ (who took the chair), DF ‘The Laird’, JG ‘Brains’, CM ‘Crocs’, KS ‘Soapy’, GW ‘El Matador’, GA ‘Windscale’, AL ‘Biggles’, BY ‘Prof’

TOASTS: To Soapy who won, down in East Anglia, for the honour of the MOHGS, one of the oldest trophies in golf, the Sib-Sud Cup, purchased for half a crown. This venerable trophy, used in annual matches which have been contested for 50 years, was tabled. ‘Sib’ has played in the past with the MOHGS, and he will be most welcome on his next visit, with a suggested nickname of ‘Meccano’.

To Mo Farah for winning everything in sight.

APOLOGIES: On this Bank Holiday the list of absentees was long – Jockstrap, Bert Kwok, The Cardinal, The Geezer, Shotgun, The Falcon, Shagpile, Paxo and Jethro.

MINUTES: Crocs requested amendments to last week’s minute, “One 2 was carded by lucky old Crocs who pocketed a whole heap of cash”. He was ruffled by the two adjectives preceding his name. This grave matter needs full debate when the Secretary is next present.

RESULTS: No 2’s were achieved, but The Laird, who was presenting the results, embarked on a lengthy aside describing how very close he came. He was cut short, since all present simply wanted to hear the facts of the day – for 2’s, £2 was carried forward.

Duffer of the Day was Windscale, with 28 points, earning +2 on his MOHGS handicap, and Deputy Duffer was The Straggler with 29 points, raising him by +1.

Runner Up with 34 points was the rampant Rabbi who gets reduced by 1.

There were no less than 4 winners, all with 36 points. Hence this was the day of the big chopper, and those who are now 2 points shorter are the brilliant Biggles, the mighty Matador, the peerless Prof and slippery Soapy.

The split of Prize Money, ‘£7 for first, and £3 for second’, was about to call for advanced arithmetic, when the acting Chairman stepped in and cut the Gordian Knot with supreme generosity. He had already pocketed the runner up’s money, but handed back £1 (with perhaps a little reluctance), so that all 5 winners received £2. The meeting felt that this rare voluntary gesture should be recorded for posterity.

Other scores, to complete the Comp Secretary’s records, were Crocs 30, Brains 31 and The Laird 32.

SWEAR BOX: The funds were enriched by £1-80, including an on the spot addition from The Laird, complaining in fruity language that he had been addressing his ball when the President shouted across the 9th fairway to the Chairman that wee noggins had been left by the 10th tee.

GEEZER’S CARDS: In total £3 was tabled: from Biggles 80p, Rabbi 20p, Prof 40p, Windscale 60p, Crocs 80p, and Soapy 20p.

THE FUNDS: In view of his magnificent magnanimity, it seemed fitting that The Rabbi should pocket all the revenues detailed above, for safe keeping.

CHRISTMAS PARTY: The Acting Chairman ruled that today there should be no discussion of this weighty matter.

DIRTY DOZEN: The Captain of this forthcoming match, Brains, reported that he had one withdrawal, Noel Beaton, but he hoped to fill the hole with Shagpile, who would  be consulted on Wednesday.

PRESIDENTIAL PERAMBULATION TO SOUTHPORT: In answer to the Acting Chair, Soapy confirmed that all was tied up, and was then asked if everyone had paid. This is largely so, with two brothers now being the leading debtors.

TEE TIMES: Times for next Monday have been booked as usual.

APOLOGIES FOR NEXT WEEK: Biggles will be missed; The Laird and Soapy are playing in the Seniors’ match at Matfen, and The Rabbi is first reserve for this.

FINISH: The Acting  Chair closed the proceedings with impressive efficiency at the notable time of 12-58.

Soapy the Scribe