PRESENT: FB ‘The Straggler’ (who did a prompt bunk after the first toast), PL ‘The Rabbi’ (who took the chair), DF ‘The Laird’, JG ‘Brains’, CM ‘Crocs’, KS ‘Soapy’, GW ‘El Matador’, GA ‘Windscale’, AL ‘Biggles’, BY ‘Prof’

TOASTS: To Soapy who won, down in East Anglia, for the honour of the MOHGS, one of the oldest trophies in golf, the Sib-Sud Cup, purchased for half a crown. This venerable trophy, used in annual matches which have been contested for 50 years, was tabled. ‘Sib’ has played in the past with the MOHGS, and he will be most welcome on his next visit, with a suggested nickname of ‘Meccano’.

To Mo Farah for winning everything in sight.

APOLOGIES: On this Bank Holiday the list of absentees was long – Jockstrap, Bert Kwok, The Cardinal, The Geezer, Shotgun, The Falcon, Shagpile, Paxo and Jethro.

MINUTES: Crocs requested amendments to last week’s minute, “One 2 was carded by lucky old Crocs who pocketed a whole heap of cash”. He was ruffled by the two adjectives preceding his name. This grave matter needs full debate when the Secretary is next present.

RESULTS: No 2’s were achieved, but The Laird, who was presenting the results, embarked on a lengthy aside describing how very close he came. He was cut short, since all present simply wanted to hear the facts of the day – for 2’s, £2 was carried forward.

Duffer of the Day was Windscale, with 28 points, earning +2 on his MOHGS handicap, and Deputy Duffer was The Straggler with 29 points, raising him by +1.

Runner Up with 34 points was the rampant Rabbi who gets reduced by 1.

There were no less than 4 winners, all with 36 points. Hence this was the day of the big chopper, and those who are now 2 points shorter are the brilliant Biggles, the mighty Matador, the peerless Prof and slippery Soapy.

The split of Prize Money, ‘£7 for first, and £3 for second’, was about to call for advanced arithmetic, when the acting Chairman stepped in and cut the Gordian Knot with supreme generosity. He had already pocketed the runner up’s money, but handed back £1 (with perhaps a little reluctance), so that all 5 winners received £2. The meeting felt that this rare voluntary gesture should be recorded for posterity.

Other scores, to complete the Comp Secretary’s records, were Crocs 30, Brains 31 and The Laird 32.

SWEAR BOX: The funds were enriched by £1-80, including an on the spot addition from The Laird, complaining in fruity language that he had been addressing his ball when the President shouted across the 9th fairway to the Chairman that wee noggins had been left by the 10th tee.

GEEZER’S CARDS: In total £3 was tabled: from Biggles 80p, Rabbi 20p, Prof 40p, Windscale 60p, Crocs 80p, and Soapy 20p.

THE FUNDS: In view of his magnificent magnanimity, it seemed fitting that The Rabbi should pocket all the revenues detailed above, for safe keeping.

CHRISTMAS PARTY: The Acting Chairman ruled that today there should be no discussion of this weighty matter.

DIRTY DOZEN: The Captain of this forthcoming match, Brains, reported that he had one withdrawal, Noel Beaton, but he hoped to fill the hole with Shagpile, who would  be consulted on Wednesday.

PRESIDENTIAL PERAMBULATION TO SOUTHPORT: In answer to the Acting Chair, Soapy confirmed that all was tied up, and was then asked if everyone had paid. This is largely so, with two brothers now being the leading debtors.

TEE TIMES: Times for next Monday have been booked as usual.

APOLOGIES FOR NEXT WEEK: Biggles will be missed; The Laird and Soapy are playing in the Seniors’ match at Matfen, and The Rabbi is first reserve for this.

FINISH: The Acting  Chair closed the proceedings with impressive efficiency at the notable time of 12-58.

Soapy the Scribe