PRESENT: The Chairman, Jockstrap, The Viper, The Rabbi, The Crocodile, Paxo, Brains, The Geezer, The Laird, Shotgun, Shagpile, Soapy

APOLOGIES: Windscale, The Falcon, The Cardinal, Jethro, The Professor, and then the Chair, who had previously seemed greatly burdened by the cares of office, suddenly energised proceedings by adding apologies for “The London Branch, future members not yet inducted, Uncle Thomas Cobley Esq. and all”. It was a remarkable tribute to the restorative powers of a well known Irish beverage.

RESULTS: There were two 2’s, by The Rabbi and The Laird, each pocketing £1.20p.

The format of play was ‘yellow ball’ in teams of 3, best 2 to count.

Duffers of the Day were two teams, each scoring 68 points. Jocks, Crocs and the Viper formed the first, and Paxo, Brains and Shotgun the other. Hence half the total field will have their MOHGS handicaps increased in one fell swoop.

Runners up were The Rabbi, The Geezer and Soapy with 73 points, each earning £1, and each to be docked 1 stroke.

The noble winners were The Straggler, The Laird and Shagpile with 77 points, winning £3 each, and up for the big chop of 2 strokes.

Swears totalled £2.60p, and the Geezer’s Cards £3.00p ( FB 20p, A B-W 40p, BH 20p, VP 40p, PL 20p, CM 20p, JG 40p, TM 20p, DF 40p, MM 40p).

TOASTS: to Howard Kendall, deceased gentleman footballer and former schoolmate of The Chair, to Andy Sullivan who won the Portuguese Open, to The Viper on his most welcome return to the links, to the Celtic rugby nations for their brave and unlucky efforts in the World Cup, to Adil Rashid and Alistair Cook for their personal play in the Test v. Pakistan, and to Georginio Wijnaldum for his 4 goals in the Magpies long awaited and welcome victory.

MINUTES AND MATTERS ARISING: the minutes were accepted, being notable for confusion on the date for the Christmas Party.

With his usual skilful swordsmanship. the Chair cut the Gordian Knot, and quickly got a unanimous vote for Monday 30th November, to be definitely our Yuletide Celebration.

Soapy proposed an Indian excursion on a subsequent Monday, and Paxo added that we may need hotting up in January. This was received with warmth, for further planning.

Soapy then offered Presidential mince pies for all who will be at the clubhouse meeting closest to Christmas Day, once again to general acclamation.

THE CHAIRMAN’S BIRTHDAY: the great day is 8th November, a Sunday. The Chairman will be absent on the 9th, since he is away for romance. As an afterthought he referred to family celebrations.

RAVENSWORTH: with his characteristic modesty the Chair moved a vote of thanks to the Geezer, for securing (with one other who shall not be named) two free rounds for 4 at Ravensworth next Tuesday. Seven of those present put their names forward, and transport was organised. The Geezer will confirm starting times to attendees (FB, DF, PL, ABW, BH, KS and TM + one other).

OTHER MATTERS: The Rabbi has approached the caterers about curry for the Christmas Party.

There was some debate about partnerships in the next Senior competitions on Wednesdays.

Jockstrap sought views on team formats for MOHGS competitions; after discussion the Chair summarised that whilst our usual Mondays should be singles or better ball, there was a place for variants, and a 3 man Texas Scramble was generally welcomed.

TEE TIMES: The Rabbi confirmed that tees were booked as usual next Monday. He will be away and needs a deputy to book for 9th November – Jockstrap manfully stepped in.

FUTURE ABSENCES: Paxo and Soapy gave their apologies for next Monday.

SHUT DOWN: The Chair closed the Meeting and the Swear Box at 1.32 pm, pungently and strongly.

PRESENT: B.H, G.A, K.S (Left early), T.M, P.L, P.F, D.F, J.G, B.Y, F.B, C.M, J.P.

APOLOGIES: E.E, G.W, A.L, P.B, H.C, A.B-W, M.M. G.A will be absent for the next two weeks.

RESULTS: There were 2×2’s posted by the Geezer and Windscales. The D’s o D were the Laird, Soapy and Windscales on 26 points. DD’o D were Brains and the Rabbi with 28 points apiece. On 34 points, the runners up were the Prof and Kwoks. The overall winner with a magnificent 36 points was Paxo.

FINANCES: £3.00 was collected in swears.

TOASTS: To the President for his faultless organisation of the Southport trip.

To Matthew Fitzpatrick who won the British Masters.

To the Australian defenders who were resolute in their efforts to thwart the Welsh forwards with only 13 men at their disposal.

To the brave Ebola nurse who is still in grave danger.

To Leeds Rhinos who won everything except the Grand National.

To the home nations national rugby teams who succeeded in going through to the next round of the rugby World Cup.

To the Home Nations national football teams who were victorious in the last round of European qualification.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

MATTERS ARISING: The Comp. Sec. was alarmed to discover that there was no 2’s money collected last week. He reminded the group that a MOHGS meeting is quorate if 5 members are present, therefore the 2’s should have been collected. Last week’s protagonists held their heads in shame, but the damage was done for all to see, which made the humiliation more unpalatable.

SOUTHPORT GATHERING: The Chair reported that he is still smarting after the humiliating defeat by the Southport mob, whom he described as a bunch of old men. He further described the defeat as a total debacle. The Comp. Sec. whilst not cock a hoop about the result, reported that the course and the company were superb and he had thoroughly enjoyed the whole trip. The Southport gang are looking forward to a return match possibly on the May Bank holiday.

CHRISTMAS PARTY: The Chair called for urgent action to decide on the date of the party in light of the fact that both the Laird and Geezer will be unavailable after 7 December. Kwok proposed the 1 December as a propitious time when all members could be present. The Laird seconded the proposal and it sailed through, unanimously.

At this time, the Chair disappeared ostensibly to the bar and was never seen again. This gave the opportunity to make real progress whilst the cat was away. The Rabbi enquired of the catering staff if it would be possible to provide a curry selection for the Christmas Party. The answer was in the affirmative. A vote was taken and again there was a unanimous decision to hold the party at the clubhouse. Brains was happy and relieved that he would not have to travel into Morpeth for the festivities, since the last time this occurred he had near death experience when he was inadvertently knocked into the middle of the busy main road by a slightly inebriated Kwok. It was agreed that a trip into town after the golf might have the effect of fragmenting the group. There would be no option of party activities such as darts and doms, and the club would profit from unusually high bar takings.

The Chair was still absent at this point and the Laird who had been called upon as stand in Chair, called the meeting to a close at 1.35. The Rabbi reminded the group that next week tee times will begin at 8.40, until 9.04.

BURT ( Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: Shagpile, El Mat, Geezer, Prof, Kwok.

RESULTS: DoD was the Geezer with 25 points. DDoD was Kwok with 32 points. The runner up was Shagpile with 34 points. The winner with 37 points was the resilient Prof. Other scores were El Mat with 33 points.

APOLOGIES: Jethro will be absent for the next three weeks. Many of the MOHGS were at Formby this weekend for the Soapy away game.

Unfortunately the weather today turned rather nasty and the contestants returned to the clubhouse like drowned rats, so the meeting was short and sweet.

BURT ( Hon. Sec. )

NOTES ON SOAPY TRIP TO FORMBY HALL / SOUTHPORT & AINSDALE No minutes were taken on this venture so I have taken it upon myself to write a few notes which I hope will give a flavour of the trip to Lancashire.

Day 1 : Formby Hall G.C.

A singles stableford competition was organised under the rules of Mohgs with a few extras.

PRESENT: Soapy [K.S.] The Straggler [F.B.] Crocs [C.M.] The Kid [A.M.] The Rabbi [P.L.] Jockstrap [R.H.] Bluewatch [S.H.] Delboy [J.B.] Shotgun [A.B-W.] The Laird [D.F.] Paxo [J.P.]

RESULTS: Duffer of the Day was the Rabbi with a derisory 7 points [yes 7!!] and the Deputy Duffer was The Straggler with 20 points. Second in the individual stableford competition was Jockstrap with 33 points and congratulations to the winner – Shotgun for his outstanding effort in compiling 35 points on  a totally strange course. Their handicaps are adjusted as the attached latest Results Records to be used in the next Mohgs competition.  One 2 was posted by F.B. on the 190 yard 13th and pouches the 2s kitty of £3.00. Most points at the par 3s was shared by F.B. S.H. K.. D.F. & J.P who shared the £5 pot and The Kid won the par 5s pot of £5 with 8 points. Soapy who had prior knowledge of the rigours of Formby Hall G.C. had kindly donated special prizes for negotiating or not the numerous lakes, ponds and other water hazards featured on the course and the winners were for the most times in the water [4] Crocs & Shotgun who were each presented with replica ducks one of which aptly looked remarkably like a Croc and the winners for the least times in the water [0] were The Laird and Bluewatch who each were presented with a special golf ball.

REPORTS: The general consensus of opinion was that the course was very good and the accommodation and catering was excellent. Sometime was spent in the “19th” bar imbibing in favourite cocktails and can report that ther ewas no outstanding unsavoury behaviour though I felt that ther was some borderline cases. It was suggested that the absence of Kwok contributed to the conservatism but would not wish to comment. The weather on the sunday turned out to be commendable though those of us at the back had to complete the round in what might be best be described as “twilight” due in part to the fact that it had taken 5 hours to complete the round. However  do not let this detract from what turned out to be a wonderful beginning to our outing and ataste of things to come at Southport & Ainsdale.

Day 2 : Southport & Ainsdale G.C.

Today’s competition was to be a match between Soapy’s friends from S&A and the Mohgs of Morpeth. The match would be played on a 4 ball betterball matchplay basis and the winners would of course be the team winning the most matches. As there were eleven Mohgs attending Noel McQueen [a.k.a. Barney Rubble] who has dual nationality being a member of S&A and a Mohg  offered to play for the Mohgs in order that we could have six 4 balls and of course this kind offer was accepted by Soapy on behalf of the said Mohgs.

All the Mohgs were looking forward to playing these famous old links shared with  Hillside and Royal Birkdale Golf Clubs and  I believe from comments after the game we were far from being disappointed. Once again we were lucky with the weather having arrived under dark clouds and wet weather but it pretty much cleared up by the time we teed off. The course was a excellent test of golf even off the “yellows” and with true greens, fine tees and typical links fairways the test was to try and keep away from the gorse, heather and deep deep bunkers!! I would describe the course as outstanding as were the facilities in the club house.

Our match myself and Paxo against Dave [Hartley] and Tony [Francis] was an amiable but competetive affair mainly due to Paxo’s prowess on our side. Our hosts were very friendly and informative regarding the course and indeed some of the history of S&A. I gather that similar experiences were recieved by the other Mohgs.

Alas despite Jim’s [Paxo] valiant efforts and my lack of form in the end we sadly lost our match on the 18th which contributed to an overall victory for those interested to S&A by 4 matches to 1 with 1 halved.

The gathering in the club house after the match was highlighted by a friendly welcoming speech to the guests by Noel who along with Soapy appeared to be the organiser in chief and  within his speech did announce the result in I might add a most humane manner.

Soapy responded to Noel & the S&A congratulating them on their victory and thanking them for their support and excellent hospitality. He also presented a suitably etched trophy he has donated  for the match and any future match that may happen between the two parties. It has been mooted that S&A may come to the north east next year possibly over the weekend of the 1st May Bank Holiday which will incorporate a match versus the Mohgs.

In conclusion I would say that this sojourn has been a resounding success I for for one would like to offer my heartfelt thanks to Soapy for all the work and effort he has donated to make it so.

Jock St Rappe

Comp. Sec.