The clubhouse is in its first phase of redevelopment which meant that access could only be gained through the ladies locker room. Luckily, the Rabbi knew all the door codes and although he was unsure of his bearings in the shower room, he did manage to plot a course to the safer confines of the bar.

It appears that some of the members wives were appalled at the choice of language in last week’s minutes and Kwok was cautioned for reverting to the vernacular on one occasion, through his use of the word a***. In future it would seem that in order to avoid similar malcontent among the female section of our readership that some form of encryption may be required. Anglo Saxon terminology will therefore continue to be applied but only in extreme cases and asterisks will be used in place of significant letters in order to avoid further embarrassment to the sensibilities of the fairer s**.

The Laird was nominated as today’s chairman due to the absence of the Straggler who is down the smoke on business.

PRESENT: P.F, P.L, T.M, M.C, B.Y, R.H(non- playing), P.B, J.G, C.M, D.F, G.A, G.W, M.M, A.W.

RESULTS: There was 1×2 by El Mat who scooped the pot. DoD was the Prof with 25 points. DD’soD were Winscales and the Cardinal with 31 points apiece. The Laird was runner up with 44 points. Today’s winner with a magnificent 45 points was the indefatigable and ever popular Matador.

APOLOGIES: F.B, A.L, H.C, K.S.

TOASTS: The Prof, Kwoks and Shagpile who won last week’s senior’s competition.

To Shotgun who was a member of the victorious team at Newbiggin, last Tuesday.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

MATTERS ARISING:

* Tonight’s Injun at the Ahad will go ahead as planned. 10 members are due to attend and will meet at 4.30 in the County Hotel.

* Mr. Croc O’ Dile will book 3 tee times on 18 March for the Bridle Path at approximately 10ish. The bacon sarnie will be booked for after the game.

* Close House is booked. Members will play the Colt course at 10.30 on Monday and the  Filly course at 10.40 on Tuesday. No evening meal has been booked, therefore members have the option to remain in the clubhouse or go further afield for sustenance. The Comp. Sec asked for members preferences for the format of the contests. It was decided that better ball was the more desired option.

* Brains accepted deposits from the Hunley Hall gang. He has booked the venue for 12 competitors. The details are posted on his email.

** There are no updates on Beamish or Longhirst.

AOB: Bumpers will depart tomorrow, bound for Mexico, through the Trump wall if necessary. However he was dismayed to discover that there were no jumpers for Bumpers, due to the Chair being down the smoke on business. It appears that it will now be quite a while before Bumpers will receive the jumpers. Shagpile was also in a quandary since he was in receipt of a jumper but had been informed that it belonged to someone else and gave it for safekeeping to the Laird, since he will be incommunicado for several weeks, touring the States. Both were assured that they will be immune from fines until the Chair gets his a*** back, to attend to business here rather than business down the smoke.

* Tee off times for next week as per.

APOLOGIES: Bumpers away for next 2 weeks. El Mat absent for next 3 weeks. Shaggers away for next 4 weeks.

There being no further business, the meeting closed at 1pm.

BURT E KWOK (Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: B.Y, P.L, P.F, J.G, G.W, T.M.

APOLOGIES: The Chair, the Laird and Jock S. arrived for the meeting but did not compete in today’s event. The Chair and Jock were both crocked and the Laird just couldn’t be arsed. Other apols from the Cardinal and Soapy.

RESULTS: Today’s event was a Texas Scramble in which Kwok, Rabbi and Prof, defeated Brains, Geezer and the Matador by a score of 62 to 64 points. There were 2 x 2’s so the pot was shared.

£1 was collected in swears, which the Laird has retained for safekeeping.

TOASTS: To the Geezer and Paxo who won last week’s club competition with a massive score of 53 points.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED UNCHALLENGED.

The Chair was gently rebuked for wearing inappropriate dress, in that he appeared in a pair of jeans, albeit M&S specials but nonetheless a slur on the customs and traditions of a fine old club like Morpeth.

MATTERS ARISING:

* The Bridle Path is all but settled. One member enquired if it was too late to apply for a place. Crocs will no doubt be in a position to answer this question at the next meeting.

* The Cardinal has booked Close House for 11/12 April and will require a payment of £92/attendee by next Monday.

* Brains has booked Hunley Hall for 15/16 May. The cost is £99 for a single and £89 for a double. Tee off times will be approximately 1.30 on Sunday and 11am on Monday.

* The Chair reported that Crocs is negotiating a game v a select group from Longhirst GC, along the lines of the Newbiggin enterprise. More information will no doubt follow.

* The Comp. Sec. has been quietly formulating a plan for a game against the Beamish Dirty Dozen and a return match at Morpeth. It was thought that a date in July, possibly the 11th or 18th at Beamish with the return fixture at Morpeth on either the 5th or 12th of September.

The tee times for next week are as per. The Chair gave advanced notice that he will be unavailable as he has business down the smoke.

The meeting closed at 1.10.

Burty Kwok(Hon. Sec.)

Today’s meeting was a genuinely sad and heartfelt affair, after it was revealed by the Chair, that Margaret, the beloved wife of our President Keith, had passed away on Sunday. There was a moment of stunned silence as the news sank in, before each of the members expressed their feelings of sympathy and condolence for the bereaved family and friends at this time of grief. We didn’t know Margaret very well, but we know through many references that she was greatly loved and admired by the President and her sudden passing will leave him In deep despair. We can only imagine his heartache at this time but we would like to assure him of our relentless support as he navigates his path through the many stages of mourning and remorse.

PRESENT: B.Y, M.M, J.G, G.W, D.F, P.L, M.C, A.W, F.B, P.B, C.M, A.B-W, P.F.

APOLOGIES: K.S, B.H, H.C, A.L.

RESULTS: There were 2×2’s posted by Crocs and the Laird. DoD was the unfortunate Prof with a miserable 24 points. DDoD was Brains with 33 points. The runner up was Crocs with 45 points. The ultimate winner and champine of the day was the Straggler with a magnificent 46 points. £9 went to the winner and £4 to the runner up.

TOASTS: Danny Willet who won the Dubai Open.

LAST WEEKS MIUTES WERE ACCEPTED UNCHALLENGED.

MATTERS ARISING:

* Crocs reported that the Bridle Path is available to visitors on Fridays at a cost of £10, which includes a bacon sarnie. It was decided to book a game on Friday 18 March.

* There are at least 12 prospective candidates for the proposed visit to Close House on 11/12 April. The Cardinal will attempt to make arrangements for the visit.

* The preferred date for the Hunley Hall trip was 15/16 May. At least 12 members displayed an interest and Brains will make appropriate arrangements.

FINANCIAL REPORT: The Fin. Sec., revealed that there is a total of £85.55 in the kitty, of which a proportion will be made available to subsidise the injun meal at Ahad’s on 22 Feb. 10 members intend to attend.

Tee times next week are 8.40, 8.48, 8.56 and 9.04.

The meeting concluded in sombre mood at 1.10.

BURT KWOK ( Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: J.G, P.B, D.F, P.F, F.B, B.H, B.Y, K.S, P.L, C.M, M.M, M.C.

APOLOGIES: E.E, A.L, H.C, G.W.

Only 11 holes played today due to the strong winds which made conditions extremely hazardous. The comp. was four ball better ball.

RESULTS: There were 2 x 2 posted by Shagpile and the Laird. D’soD were Bumpers and Straggler with 24 points. Brains and the Cardinal were runners up with 29 points. The winners with a magnificent 30 points were Prof and Crocs.

Before today’s meeting, the Prof presented Kwok with a collection of minute books and an attaché case, with which to carry the books, and a selection of pens of differing colours, to record the salient events of meetings for the next ten years. Kwok was immensely grateful for this act of unbridled generosity since he has been forced hitherto by the upper echelons of the society to bear the cost of stationery from his own meagre financial resources. Kwok was hopeful that he would live long enough to make good use of the new stationery since at his present age he realises that life is very tenuous and has already stopped buying green bananas.

The Chair stated categorically, that in future he will never ever question the decision making of the Hon. Comp. Sec., after today’s decision to curtail the number of holes played to 11.

TOASTS: Terry Wogan RIP.

Jamie Murray and partner for winning the Australian tennis championship.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES ACCEPTED UNCHALLENGED.

* The Rabbi has made up 4 new sets of Geezers cards. He expects 5 cards to be returned after every game and will penalise any member who loses a card, with a fine of 50p.

* The Chair was cautioned by the President for omitting to bring his gavel.

* Bumpers announced that the bar refurbishment would begin on 22 Feb. and assured the group that sufficient finance had been obtained through the selling of 3 life memberships. The MOHGS were reminded that they had pledged £25 to this cause.

* No news about the Bridle Path.

* The President has enquired about arranging a special meal at the Char Mausum and was thanked for his efforts but it was decided that a venue in Gosforth, namely  the Ahad was the preferred option, preceded by drinks at the County Hotel, at approximately 4.30, on 22 Feb.

* It was decided that the Close House deal was excellent value and the Cardinal will probe further.

* Brains has made further enquiries about the availability of Hunley Hall. There are vacancies on 16/17 and 22/23 May. B.H proposed that we attend Close House early in the season and H.H later. It was agreed that all interested parties should contact Brains before Friday, stating their preferred date and or availability. The cost of the expedition would be £89/person.

* The arrangements for the visit of the Rubble gang are well under way. 14 members are required to make up the team and preference will be given to those who played at Ainsdale. There will be a meal afterwards and the President is confident that there would be enough food to cater for extra guests if required. The game kicks off at 9.40 on 9 May. The President will be captain for the day.

* St. Rappe announced that the Beamish date is now even more flexible in the light of the present uncertainty of future fixtures.

BUSINESS OF DAY:

* The Laird, having checked last week’s spreadsheet, enquired whether the Comp. Sec. had allocated the correct division of cash to the winner and runner up. The Comp. Sec. said he would look into it.

* All swears money for this week and last is now in the safekeeping of the Cardinal.

* The Comp. Sec., presented as food for thought, the notion that all officers of the c/tee should be in post for a maximum of 4 years. The Cardinal was of the opinion that this was a matter for discussion at the AGM.

* The Chair promised to contact Delboy about the possibility of making a new order for MOHGS mufti. There was also talk about the possibility of ordering hats which included the logo. There was general agreement that a fine of 50p should be levied on those members who neglected to wear the MOHGS jumpers on the first Monday of the month. Those members who did not yet possess the MOHGS regalia would be exempt from fines.

The meeting closed at 12.30.

BURT E. Kwok (Hon. Sec.)