PRESENT: T.H, P.F, D.F, B.H, P.L, J.G, G.W, F.B, B.Y, T.M, C.M, A.W, M.M, K.S( n/p).

RESULTS: DoD was the poor old Straggler with a derisory 31 points. The Prof was runner up with a meagre 32 points. The Geezer was runner up with a commendable 41 points. The winner with a massive total of 42 points was the ever popular Scuttler.

No 2’s were posted.

FINANCE: £1.60 in swears and £2.60 in 2’s were delivered to the safekeeping of the Rabbi.

TOASTS: To Andy Murray, for his record breaking third SPOTY title.

CHRISTMAS PARTY: The general consensus was that the party had gone down well, however some minor tweaks may be necessary in order to achieve perfection but this will only be possible through meticulous planning. The Chair was concerned about the amount of wastage, although the variety and quality of food on offer was deemed exceptional. The Prof was concerned that too little cash had been placed behind the bar. Crocs was rather petulantly dismayed by the start of proceedings, in that there was no toast to begin the game and that the ball tossing lacked the customary gravitas. Winker opined that the beer on offer was of poor quality. The Geezer advised that the selection of beers was a prerogative of the members and that he could very easily have a word in the right ear, to rectify the problem. The Chair immediately recommended that the Geezer be appointed as the beer correspondent with a specific portfolio for tasting and checking the grog prior to consumption by the membership.

THE AGM WILL BE HELD ON 9 JANUARY.

BUSINESS: The Chair announced that this year there will be a new competition with a brand new trophy, provided by Shagpile, in honour of one of the MOHGS founding fathers, namely the Rabbi. The trophy would be known as the Bar Mitzvah Bowl, and competed for annually. The format would be decided by the Rabbi and the Comp. Sec. The present Comp. Sec., reminded the group that he intends to resign his commission at the AGM, although the Secretary revealed that he is yet to receive a brown envelope.

Crocs had visited the engraver, Cass, to lodge a complaint about the previous engraving on the Christmas Plate which had been erroneous. He assured the winner that the newly embellished trophy will be delivered promptly.

The Chair announced that he and Desmond will be playing on Boxing Day at 9.56 and encouraged other like minded folk to join them.

D.F, T.M and T.H will be missing for the next several weeks.

The meeting concluded in good spirits at 1.14.

BURT.

PRESENT: B.Y, A.W, P.B, J.P, M.M, P.F, J.G, G.W(n/p), T.M, P.L, G.A, T.H, K.S,C.M, B.H, D.F, A.B-W, F.B, M.C.

Today’s competition was over 11 holes using three clubs and a putter.

RESULTS: The Comp. Sec. announced that there would be no h/cap changes as a result of today’s performances.

One 2 was posted by the Scuttler. In the team competition the winners were Shagpile,Brains and the Cardinal, with a combined total of 54 points. In joint second place were, Prof, Windscale and Winker, and Bumpers, Stragglers and the Laird with 52 points. The winner of the Christmas Plate with a magnificent 28 points was the ever popular Cardinal. He was presented with the trophy by last year’s winner Shotgun. Joint runners up were the Prof and Bumpers with 27 points apiece.

TOASTS: To all members who could not attend the festivities.

BUSINESS: The Chair challenged last week’s minutes, when he was accused of not welcoming back the Geezer after his operation, with sufficient gusto and enthusiasm. In short it was suggested in the minutes that he lacked warmth and compassion. The Geezer, who was sporting a rather jaunty grey syrup, demonstrably concurred with the Chair and revealed that he had in fact been quite touched by the welcome he had received and that he felt that the Chair was being vilified unnecessarily.

There will be no game on Boxing Day. Will there be a game on January 2? The Rabbi will be unable to do the bookings due to other commitments. Windscale offered to step into the Rabbi’s shoes but was unsure of the protocol. The Rabbi agreed to give him the necessary guidance.

The meeting closed at 2.45, at which point, food began to miraculously appear and what a sight it was. A banquet fit for a king. Savouries, sweets, cakes, cheeses, pies and pastries of every description. The party had started with a bang and continued with merry making and laughter until the revellers, infused with gaiety and the spirit of Christmas, could party no more. Once again the planning and preparation had paid off in spades. No stone had been left unturned, all the i’s and t’s had been dotted and crossed, whilst the proof of the pudding was in the eating there of.

An air of caution remained. Do we rest on our laurels? Do we become complacent? It is important that we pick through the intricacies of the event and with the knowledge gained, begin the preparations for next year with a renewed vigour and determination in the never ending pursuit of excellence.

BURT.

Apologies from all those not here.

Present:- PB, CM, JG,FB,RY, DF,PL,MC,TH,MM,AW(Departed Early),TM, KS,RH, (Last three for the meeting only)

Competition Results;

One two posted by Brains.

Duffer of the Day was The Cardinal with a miserable 31 points. Deputy Duffer was Bumpers and Winker with 35 points.

In second place was The Prof with 47 points, however the winner and champ for the week was Brains with a stupendous 49 points.

Handicaps to be adjusted as per the rules of MOHGS.

Geezers Cards were not in play!

Swears made a solitary £1.

Attire fines made £1.50, Rabbi, Shagpile, Laird.

Toasts:

England Rugby for winning 14 games on the bounce and for being unbeaten in 2016.

Brains, The Scuttler and Quok for second place last Wednesday. (Although we do not usually recognise runners up)

At this point The Geezer turned up and the Chair was remiss in welcoming him back into the fold after major surgery. However The Geezer did regale to assembly with a view of his impressive scar!

Christmas Party

Four tees booked from 10.56 next Monday

Fortunately the Club Chairman made an appearance at that point and agreed that the MOHGS could bring their own food into the clubhouse next Monday. Also Charlene confirmed that the bar would remain open for the festivities.

That having been bottomed out, the following dishes have been offered up:

Winker                         Chips and Dips

Rabbi                           Corned Beef + Mince Pies (Savoury)

Bumpers                      Sausage Rolls + Lemon Drizzel Cake

Brains                          Pork Pies

Quok                            Scotch Eggs

Chair                            M & S to the value of £3.50

Geezer                        Sweet mince pies

Shagpile                      Prawns

President                     Pavlova

The Cardinal                Chicken legs

Scuttler                        Quiche

Others are invited to bring food to complement the above.

The Cardinal will place funds behind the bar to allow each MOHGS member a drink or two next Monday from the Swears tin.

Dress to be smart casual, however festive garb required for the course of course.

AOB

The Laird was impressed at the negotiating skills of Shagpile over the Christmas Party conundrum and proposed that he should be elevated to the Executive.

The Cardinal wanted to support the proposal but such an elevation would require an AGM proposal in writing in a brown envelope twenty one days prior to the AGM

The current Executive was mightily relieved to hear that their sinecure was secure for another year!

The meeting disintegrated at 1.00pm.

PRESENT: T.H, M.C, C.M, D.F, B.Y, M.M, K.S, P.L, A.W, J.G, P.F, B.H, E.E, J.P, F.B.

GEEZERS CARDS: M.C(20p), C.M(40p), D.F(40p), K.S(60p), P.L(20p), A.W(60p), E.E(60p), B.H(40p), T.H(60p)—-£4.00

£3.40 was collected in swears and £3 in 2’s.

RESULTS: There were 4×2’s posted by Bumpers, Paxo, the Rabbi and Winker who each had a share of £9.60 which includes the rollover from previous weeks. The Scuttler was DoD with 32 points. DDoD’s were Jethro and Soapy with 34 points apiece. The runner up with a magnificent 43 points was Brains. The overall winner and champine of the week was the ever popular Paxo with a fantastic 47 points.

TOASTS: It was reported that the Geezer was unwell after an operation at the Freeman Hospital. He is now recuperating at home and has our best wishes for a return to good health in the very near future.

To Paxo for winning the Brian Walton trophy.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

BUSINESS: There was only one item on today’s agenda which was the final bottoming out of the Christmas Party. The Chair was quick off the mark like a cobra ready to strike.  “Gentlemen,” he barked in a voice that brooked no argument. “We’ve shilly shallied long enough. It’s decision time.”

He cogently outlined the two remaining options, namely Option 2 and Option 3. Without further hesitation he asked for a vote. Before the vote could be taken, the President let fly with a rousing speech, extolling the virtues of the Chair as well as the friendly ambience and Christmas gaiety, engendered through a mutual spirit of togetherness at the party.

The vote was 12-2 in favour of a shared table. Whilst the members were on this rollercoaster of decision making, Kwok proposed that we decide there and then what food each of the participants might bring to the table. However the Chair counter proposed that we might in fact be jumping the gun and boiling our cabbages and that we should leave this in abeyance until next week.

AGENDA FOR THE PARTY:

The golf session will be 11 holes, using 3 clubs and a putter.

Frivolities will include:

1. A Kwok quiz.
2. Table tennis presided over by Winker who will also provide the tackle.
3. Dominoes with the Chair organising.
4. Snooker and Pool organised by Brains.

Shagpile volunteered to supply disposable cutlery and napkins.

The President informed the group that he would provide Pavlovas. Kwok will be absent next week but stressed that he would be providing scotch eggs.

Crocs thought that we should find out the number of members who would attend and it was decided to resolve this issue next week.

The Rabbi was very quiet this week due to a severe case of laryngitis but he manfully took charge of the cash. Bumpers may be forced to miss the golf but is hopeful to be present for the festivities.

The meeting concluded in good spirits at 1.30pm.

BURT.

PRESENT: F.B, A.W, P.B, P.L, P.F, T.H, C.M, D.F, M.C, B.Y, K.S.

APOLOGIES: From all not previously mentioned.

RESULTS: Today’s RESULTS were delivered by the Laird. There were no 2’s posted, therefore £2.20 is added to the previous pots which means that the next recipient will pouch £6.60 plus the day’s takings. DoD with a miserable 21 points was a rather dejected Soapy. DDoD’s with 32 points apiece were the Prof and Winker. Bumper was runner up with 38 points. The winner and today’s champine was the ever popular Laird with a magnificent 40 points.

Other scores—- C.M–33, P.B–34, T.H–33, F.B–35, P.L–37, P.F–33.

TOASTS: To the Murray boys who have ended the year on top of their respective piles.

To N.U who continued their winning run and remain in top spot by a considerable margin.

To Matthew Fitzpatrick who won the Dubai Open.

GEEZERS CARDS: D.F(20p), B.Y(40p), K.S(20p), P.L(20p), P.F(20p), M.C(20p), T.H(20p).—–£1.60.

FINANCE: The Cardinal has taken stock of the money in hand and reported that he was at present in receipt of £134.40, excluding today’s takings. He then announced that he had decided to bankroll the Christmas party with a generous, some may say foolhardy, donation of £100. The money will more than likely go behind the bar to finance festive drinks. The Cardinal was thanked for this contribution and for his canny stewardship of the MOHGS finances.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

BUSINESS: The Chair was absent from last week’s meeting and was somewhat perplexed at the lack of progress on the Party preparations.

“Gentlemen,” he began. “There is no more time for prevarication, innuendo, riddles or cliches. The time for action is nigh. No more beating round the bush. We must take the bull by the horns, grasp the nettle and cut without hesitation through the Gordian knot.”

The air was heavy with expectation as the members settled down to listen to his definitive plans for the much anticipated event.

However, at this point the Chair slumped back into his seat and with a twinkle in his eye, reserved the right to keep his powder dry.

It was left to others to make some sort of progress on this thorny topic. The options were once again laid out.

1. To stay in the clubhouse and have a meal served by the caterers.
2. To stay in the clubhouse and enjoy a shared table.
3. To stay in the clubhouse for drinks and then go for an injun.

After a short discussion it was decided to rule out option No. 1.

Winker announced that his wine club regularly met in the Vardon Suite and had always provided a shared table, with no input from the caterers. This suggestion was in line with option 2.

Questions still hanging in the air:

1. Who makes what if option 2 prevails?

2.Is there an Injun available at a time of our choosing on the party day if we plunge for option 3?

There was a definite feeling that we had indeed made excellent progress and it was now just a case of dotting i’s and crossing t’s. However there is much work to be done and the Chair is the man to do it. He must hold his nerve, continue to plough the furrows and with a favourable breeze will no doubt come out of all of this, smelling of roses and looking back to reminisce on yet another successful year in office.

The meeting began to fragment at this point and much of the focus was lost when the Chair began to show very cute pictures of his latest grandchild.

The Rabbi has time to announce that the times had changed slightly for next week—8.48, 8.56, 9.04 and 9.12..

The meeting closed very agreeably at 1.40pm.

BURT.

PRESENT: M.M, P.L, G.A, G.W, D.F, T.M, K.S, B.H, P.F, M.C, J.G.

Apologies for next week from G.A and G.W.

RESULTS: No 2’s posted therefore the kitty transfers to next week which could be a double rollover. DoD was Winscale with a paltry 26 hard won points. DDoD was El Mat with 29 points. Shagpile was the runner up with 36 points. The overall winner with a magnificent 38 points was the ever popular Laird.

FINANCE: GEEZERS CARDS—— G.A(20p), G.W(20p), M.M(20p), T.M(40p), M.C(40p), K.S(60p), B.H(20p), J.G(40p)—£2.60. £2.20 was carried forward in 2’s and a further £1.40 was collected in swears. The Rabbi is the holder of the dosh.

TOASTS: To all the victorious home Nations who succeeded in the qualifiers for the World Cup.

To the Prof and Kwok who won last week’s Seniors comp with a magnificent haul of 50 points. To a lesser extent congratulations were also due to Brains and the Laird who were 3rd in the same event.

To the Scottish R.L team which drew with the current world champions.

To the England R.U team which beat S. Africa.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED IN THEIR ENTIRETY.

There were no MATTERS arising since it was decided to keep our powder dry until the next meeting when it will be finally time to bottom out the definitive arrangements for the annual Christmas Party.

Today’s meeting was ably chaired by the Rabbi.

Tee times next week are as per.

BURT.

PRESENT: F.B, K.S, P.L, G.W, J.G, T.H, P.F, D.F, C.M, B.Y, M.M.

RESULTS: No 2’s carded therefore £2.20 is carried forward. DoD was Shagpile with 22 points. DD’soD were Rabbi, Kwok and El Mat with 23 points apiece. The runner up with 27 points was the Scuttler. The winner for a fantastic third week on the trot was the rejuvenated and ever popular President with a magnificent 28 glorious points. It must also be recorded that the going was extremely tough with frequent showers and low temperatures. Only 15 holes were played.

GEEZERS CARDS: F.B(20p), K.S(60p), P.L(60p), D.F(20p), P.F(20p), G.W(20p), M.M(20p)—–£2.20.

£3.20 was collected in swears. Crocs and Shagpile were fined 50p apiece for not wearing MOHGS gear on the first Monday of the month. All money is in the safekeeping of the Rabbi, a total of £8.60.

TOASTS: To Andy Murray, the first British player ever to be world No. 1.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

BUSINESS:

* There are still tickets available for the Mark Clattenburg soirée at £20/head on 17 Nov. The Chair intimated that he would attend and will secure tickets to sit with the Metcalfe party. The dress code is smart but casual.

* The Chair announced, with steely determination that there was no more time for prevarication, the time for direct action was nigh and it was the moment to grasp the nettle, cut through the Gordian knot and make final preparations for the biggest event in the social calendar, the Christmas Party. There was huge admiration and expectation in the air as the gathering awaited with baited breath, the Chairs plan for the festive tomfoolery. ” Gentlemen!” he barked with great authority, ” We must at all costs keep our powder dry and not make any hasty decisions which we may live to regret.” There was a collective sigh of disbelief as the Chair relaxed and flashed a satisfied grin to the members and reclined in his seat. In less stentorian tones he then explained that St. Rappe had approached Charlene and had used his immense charm to persuade her to keep the bar open after normal working hours on party day. He further explained that the present caterers usually downed tools at the same time as when the bar closed and therefore would be technically unavailable to provide food, which would then allow us the opportunity to have a shared table. This covert operation has now taken on the hallmarks of a Brian Rix farce.

At this point in the proceedings the Rabbi slipped away, unnoticed, to make enquiries of his own. He returned with the news that he had spoken to a very senior dignitary who informed him that the present caterers may not even be in situ at the time of the party, therefore we had his blessing to carry on regardless. The Rabbi was thanked warmly for his contribution.

The President spoke forcefully about the need to support the club, through our contribution to the bar takings.

The Chair once again pointed out the need for keeping our powder dry and playing cards close to chests and emphasised that we were indeed moving in the right direction.

Crocs revealed that in his opinion we should, in the light of our present predicament, have begun discussion about the party much earlier in the year and furthermore he insisted that it may be necessary to begin planning now for next year’s event.

Brains with his usual aplomb announced that procrastination is the thief of time.

On that note, the meeting began to fragment and the boy’s were looking increasingly frazzled after making so many momentous decisions in one sitting.

* Shagpile revealed that he had recently played at Craigie Law and had stayed overnight. He had nothing but praise for the accommodation, the food, the course and the all round ambience and he thoroughly recommended it to the members. His direct assessment was that it was ” Fantastically awesome.”

Tee times are as per next week.

The meeting closed at 1.25pm.

BURT

PRESENT: B.Y, B.H, P.B(n/p), P.F, E.E, G.W, D.F, A.L, K.S, J.G, M.C, F.B, A.W, G.A, C.M.

RESULTS: 2×2’s were carded by the Matador and Crocs. DoD with a miserly 24 points was the unfortunate Brains. DDoD with an equally unimpressive 25 points was the Laird. The runner up after an extensive and rewarding coaching session was El President with a magnificent 38 points. The overall winner, champine of the week, was the ever popular Jock St. Rappe with a memorable 42 incredible points.

FINANCE: £4 was collected in swears. Geezers Cards—– D.F(40p), B.Y(40p), F.B(40p), G.W(20p), G.A(20p), P.L(20p), A.L(40p), J.G(20p), P.F(20p), EE(60p), C.M(20p), M.C(20p),

TOASTS: To Andy Murray who won the Viennese Open and is on schedule to becoming the world no. 1.

Last weeks minutes were accepted.

MATTERS ARISING: The meeting accepted the fact that poor Lord Snooty had been thoroughly misrepresented by his father (the Chair), in that he had merely intimated that the golf event hosted by Lee Westwood might be a goer for those MOHGS who were interested. The membership furthermore apologised for any hurt incurred by Lord Snooty and will in future regard any information volunteered by the Chair, with a huge pinch of salt.

* The Fourball at Foxton had been taken up by B.H, D.F, P.L and Brian and they had experienced a thoroughly good time.

BUSINESS:

The Christmas Party is set for 12 December but the issue of food/dining is far from straightforward. There are doubts over whether or not the caterers will be available to provide the requisite banquet, whether to revert to the shared table, or to jog into Morpeth for an injun. The simple answer to some of the imponderables would be for a representative to make representation to the caterers to enquire about availability. This appears to be a bridge too far and no one is willing to take up the cudgels. Biggles has been round the world twice since his last game with the MOHGS, and remembers suggesting then, that someone should approach the caterers. The Chair proposed a belated toast to Biggles for all his contributions towards world peace. However there is still no resolution and the sands of time are running out.

* Some proposals for the party were, quiz, pool, table tennis, dominoes and snooker.

* Newcastle are due to play Hull in the next round of the cup competition. B.H volunteered the information for anyone who might be interested in attending, however C.M was sceptical as to whether tickets would be available.

The meeting began to fragment. There was no Jokers Corner and no further business so the meeting was brought to a merciful end at 1.45.

BURT.

PRESENT: B.H, F.B, K.S, E.E, T.H, P.L, G.W, P.F, C.M, D.F, B,Y(n/p). A.W(left early).

RESULTS: One 2 was posted by the Laird (£2.20). DoD was the unfortunate Rabbi with a meagre 21 points. DDoD was Crocs with a slightly better score of 22 points. The runner up with a very respectable 36 points was Jethro. Joint winners with 37 points apiece were the ever popular Soapy and El Mat.

Jock Strap very graciously offered to buy a whisky for any member who was absent last week, to celebrate his victory in the Quaich competition. Several members accepted his kind invitation.

TOASTS: To the England cricket team who defeated Bangladesh.

Padraig Harrington for his victory in a European competition.

Burt Kwok who was in the group which came a very respectable second in last week’s Seniors comp.

FINANCE: Geezers cards: P.L(20p), T.H(20p), G.W(20p), P.F(40p), C.M(20p), D.F(20p), F.B(40p), B.H(20p), E.E(40p), K.S(20p).——£2.60. £1.90 was collected in swears. A grand total of £4.50 in the safekeeping of the Rabbi.

The Chair, at the behest of Lord Snooty, proposed a trip to Close House next October to witness a tournament to be hosted by Lee Westwood. There was only a lukewarm reception given to his suggestion but there may be more interest nearer the time.

The Crocodile was in receipt of a voucher for a half price Fourball round at Foxton, to be used by the end of this month. D.F and P.L signified an interest in playing.

The meeting closed at 1.45pm.

BURT.

PRESENT: D.F( n/p), T.M, F.B, M.M, T.H, P.F, K.S, C.M, P.L, J.G.

RESULTS: Presented by D.F due to the absence of B.H. No 2’s were posted, therefore £1.80 is carried forward. DoD was Soapy with a meagre 25 points. DDoD’s were the Straggler and the Scuttler with 27 points apiece. Kwok was the runner up with 33 points. The outright winner and Champine of the day was the colourful and indefatigable Geezer with 34 points.

FINANCE: £1.80 was collected in 2’s. Geezers cards —-F.B(40p), M.M(20p), K.S(80p), P.F(60p), J.G(60p)——£2.60 in total. This amount was added to previous week’s takings for swears and GC’s of £12.40. The total is therefore £16.80.

TOASTS: To the Laird upon his return from holiday only to find that his house had been flooded and remedial action is required.

To the Rabbi and Scuttler who were a well deserved second in last week’s Senior’s Comp.

To Tyrell Hatton who won the Dunhill Links.

To Andy Murray who won the China Open.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED IN THEIR ENTIRETY.

MATTERS ARISING:

* The game at Bedlington tomorrow has been marred by the withdrawal of a sizeable group for many different reasons. Shagpile is now reduced to 10 players, which is both disappointing and embarrassing, considering the amount of time and effort he has invested in organising the event. The playing contingent are requested to convene at the clubhouse at 9.15 for introductions and to digest the rules of the comp. Breakfast snacks will be available.

* The Chair will consider organising the Executive Cup, which is akin to the rules of the Ryder Cup, on a date when 12 players are available on a particular Monday morning.

* Following on from the proposal that we adopt a new feature of a Jokers Corner into the Monday meetings, the Chair became the inaugural joke teller. He told a joke about a young girl having a bath. At face value, this seems about as funny as a Trump Convention, but in the hands of the maestro it was received warmly and to great applause.

* OTHER SCORES: C.M– 29, P.L—30, J.G—29, M.M—31.

There being no other business, the meeting closed at 1.20.

KWOK.