The largesse of the Chairman is fast becoming the stuff of legend. He not only provided a bottle of honeyed rum, which was imbibed on the first and tenth tee, but he also insisted on buying a round for all present on our return to the clubhouse. He further insisted on leaving an open tab behind the bar for those who wished for extra sustenance, which as it happened, turned out to be just about everybody. This Open House policy of unmitigated generosity is embodied by the Chair and is a lesson in selflessness to all members. Long may the Chair reign and hearty congratulations on reaching the milestone of your 70th. birthday.

PRESENT: M.M, P.F, A.B-W, F.B, B.H, P.L, K.S, D.F, C.M. ( G.W came for the meeting but was a non combatant).

APOLOGIES: P.B, J.G, T.M, A.L.

APOLOGIES FOR NEXT WEEK: G.W, B.H, M.M, A.B-W.

RESULTS: Today’s game was a Texas Scramble. One 2 was posted by Crocs, Soapy and the Laird. D’s o D were the Straggler, Jocks and the Rabbi with 66.6 points. The winners were Shagpile, Shotgun and Kwok with 61.4 points. The other result was Crocs, Soapy and the Laird with 62.6 points.

TOASTS: To the Chair who was 70 very recently.

To the England R.L team, who defeated New Zealand.

To Karen, the Saga rep, who donated today’s tot of rum.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD.

MATTERS ARISING: It now appears that a good number of MOHGS will be unavailable for the Christmas Party on 30th November, either on holiday or upholding H.M Justice system. G.W, A. B-W, B.H, C.M, M.M, will be unavoidably absent. The Chair was quite rightly perplexed by the large number of prospective absentees and asked for reflection and further consideration of the whole Christmas extravaganza.

The Laird was quick to propose that Christmas be cancelled this year.

St. Rappe was in favour of cancellation and proposed a New Year festival of golf as an option.

The wise and wily old president who had henceforth kept his powder dry, proposed that the tournament for the Christmas trophy be played for on the Monday before Christmas. He further proposed that he would supply mince pies, appropriate accompaniments and jollifications.

At this point in the meeting whilst the membership attempted to come to terms with the enormity of the aforesaid proposals, the Chair noticed that drinks were becoming dangerously low and insisted on providing top ups all round. The Hon. Sec. was seconded to take orders and dispatch the drinks to their grateful recipients. The Chair was once again toasted and lauded.

The Laird suggested that no deal could be done without the nod from the Soc. Sec.

The decision to play for the trophy accompanied by Soapy’s mince pies was overwhelmingly agreed by a vote of 9 for and 1 against.

Shagpile will need to know the number of members who are interested in playing at Newbiggin.

There is no date as yet for the proposed game at NUGC. It appears that there are at least 6 willing participants.

R.H proposed that the Geezers cards should include a water hazard card.

AOB: The President was in receipt of correspondence from Barney Rubble and the Rouble Rousers from Ainsdale. It appears that they have booked accommodation at Matfen on Sunday 8 May and intend to play at Morpeth on the 9th. Soapy has already booked tee times. There could be up to 14 of them. B.H was confident that there were more than enough MOHGS to combat the Rubble gang. The Chair somewhat sheepishly declared that he would be unavailable, since it was his wedding anniversary and he would be spending the time with his sons playing golf at St. Andrews.

B.H proposed that Soapy should be Captain on the day of the visit. This proposal was unanimously carried.

The Chair informed the group that the MOHGS Blog has been taken down by Lord Snooty since it has been under used since its inception. It now floats aimlessly in cyber space.

There was no further business, so the meeting closed at 1.45.

Tee times as per next week.

BURT(Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: B.H, C.M, M.M, P.F, A.W, J.G, P.L, G.A.

APOLOGIES: D.F, F.B, A.L.

Alan Watson (Winker) was welcomed to today’s meeting.

F.B was airborne on his return from holiday, therefore P.F became acting Chair as well as continuing with the onerous task of scribing.

RESULTS: No 2’s were posted. Today’s comp. was 4 ball better ball which was conducted under extremely windy conditions. The D’soD were P.L, G.A, J.G and A.W on 19 points. The runners up were Crocs and Jocks with 22 points. The winners were Kwok and Shagpile with 24 points. Only 12 holes were played due to the inclement weather. Conditions were harsh but on the plus side, all combatants finished with rosy cheeks.

TOASTS: To Russell Knox who became the first Scotsman to win a World Championship in golf.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD.

MATTERS ARISING: Mr. Robert HALLETT announced that he has been called up for Jury Service over a period which includes the date for the forthcoming Christmas party. Apparently there are several other people who have now discovered that they are also unavailable. This fact prompted some members to question whether the date for the party could be changed or whether the date is indeed set in stone. It was decided to resolve the problem at the next meeting when more members might be present.

The Geezer arrived at this point and revealed that a bad back was the reason for his absence from today’s game.

The Geezer announced that he had given thought to preparing explanations for his cards, but had discovered that this was not as easy as he first thought and would require reams of paper to provide detailed answers. He is now looking at producing graphics to explain the pertinent facts and this also will be time consuming. He may have more news next week. He did concede that the 6 or more card should be replaced with a double bogey card or go to the golfer who does not complete the hole.

AOB: The Fourball at NUGC will be discussed next week.

Shagpile gallantly offered to organise a game at Newbiggin during the month of January, when the Morpeth course is more likely to be closed due to bad weather. He hopes to negotiate a reasonable fee which would include a bacon buttie. He hopes to persuade a group of members from NGC to compete against the MOHGS in a friendly competition.

The Geezer asked if the MOHGS were following the ‘ RIGG RULE.’ He felt that balls should be played from the tops of Riggs but not nearer to the hole. The rules at present appear to state the the ball should be moved no more than a club length from the bottom of the RIGG, which is often not sufficient distance to reach the top and therefore leave the golfer on a downward slope or in a worse position. It was decided that the MOHGS would play from the top of the Riggs but no nearer the hole.

The Rabbi thanked the Strap for booking the tees next week. First tee time is 8.40.

Due to today’s early finish, the meeting closed at 12.20.

KWOK(Hon. Sec.)

Apologies from everyone who was not present.

Nine hardy souls ventured forth to the course and were rewarded with a lovely day. The golf took second place to the camaraderie, wit and repartee.

One two was recorded and the spoils pocketed by Shagpile

Duffer of the day was Jethro

Deputy Duffers were the ever popular Cardinal and Crocs.

In second place and sharing £3 were Rabbi, Geezer, and Strags (The Chair)

But the winner and overall Champ for the week was the brains of the outfit, Brains.

Geezers Cards were recorded

Chair 20p, Geezer 20p, Rabbi 20p, Cardinal 40p, Crocs 60p, Laird 20p, Jethro 40p, Shagpile 20p.

Crocs and Cardinal both contributed £1 to the swears box! Was that a reflection of the company or the golf!

Toasts to Shagpile for winning the Club Competition last Saturday and upholding the golfing prowess of MOHGS.

Justin Rose for winning the HK Open and upholding the prowess of MOHGS (Is an honorary member?)

Louis Hamilton for winning his third world championship.

Little further was discussed, since Christmas has been brought forward, the agreed date for our Christmas Party is 30 November. The Cardinal has been charged with arranging a suitable meal in the clubhouse. Please let him know if you wish to attend.

Apologies for next week.

The Chair, Cardinal, Jethro, Shagpile.

Meeting closed on a convivial note.

PRESENT: The Chairman, Jockstrap, The Viper, The Rabbi, The Crocodile, Paxo, Brains, The Geezer, The Laird, Shotgun, Shagpile, Soapy

APOLOGIES: Windscale, The Falcon, The Cardinal, Jethro, The Professor, and then the Chair, who had previously seemed greatly burdened by the cares of office, suddenly energised proceedings by adding apologies for “The London Branch, future members not yet inducted, Uncle Thomas Cobley Esq. and all”. It was a remarkable tribute to the restorative powers of a well known Irish beverage.

RESULTS: There were two 2’s, by The Rabbi and The Laird, each pocketing £1.20p.

The format of play was ‘yellow ball’ in teams of 3, best 2 to count.

Duffers of the Day were two teams, each scoring 68 points. Jocks, Crocs and the Viper formed the first, and Paxo, Brains and Shotgun the other. Hence half the total field will have their MOHGS handicaps increased in one fell swoop.

Runners up were The Rabbi, The Geezer and Soapy with 73 points, each earning £1, and each to be docked 1 stroke.

The noble winners were The Straggler, The Laird and Shagpile with 77 points, winning £3 each, and up for the big chop of 2 strokes.

Swears totalled £2.60p, and the Geezer’s Cards £3.00p ( FB 20p, A B-W 40p, BH 20p, VP 40p, PL 20p, CM 20p, JG 40p, TM 20p, DF 40p, MM 40p).

TOASTS: to Howard Kendall, deceased gentleman footballer and former schoolmate of The Chair, to Andy Sullivan who won the Portuguese Open, to The Viper on his most welcome return to the links, to the Celtic rugby nations for their brave and unlucky efforts in the World Cup, to Adil Rashid and Alistair Cook for their personal play in the Test v. Pakistan, and to Georginio Wijnaldum for his 4 goals in the Magpies long awaited and welcome victory.

MINUTES AND MATTERS ARISING: the minutes were accepted, being notable for confusion on the date for the Christmas Party.

With his usual skilful swordsmanship. the Chair cut the Gordian Knot, and quickly got a unanimous vote for Monday 30th November, to be definitely our Yuletide Celebration.

Soapy proposed an Indian excursion on a subsequent Monday, and Paxo added that we may need hotting up in January. This was received with warmth, for further planning.

Soapy then offered Presidential mince pies for all who will be at the clubhouse meeting closest to Christmas Day, once again to general acclamation.

THE CHAIRMAN’S BIRTHDAY: the great day is 8th November, a Sunday. The Chairman will be absent on the 9th, since he is away for romance. As an afterthought he referred to family celebrations.

RAVENSWORTH: with his characteristic modesty the Chair moved a vote of thanks to the Geezer, for securing (with one other who shall not be named) two free rounds for 4 at Ravensworth next Tuesday. Seven of those present put their names forward, and transport was organised. The Geezer will confirm starting times to attendees (FB, DF, PL, ABW, BH, KS and TM + one other).

OTHER MATTERS: The Rabbi has approached the caterers about curry for the Christmas Party.

There was some debate about partnerships in the next Senior competitions on Wednesdays.

Jockstrap sought views on team formats for MOHGS competitions; after discussion the Chair summarised that whilst our usual Mondays should be singles or better ball, there was a place for variants, and a 3 man Texas Scramble was generally welcomed.

TEE TIMES: The Rabbi confirmed that tees were booked as usual next Monday. He will be away and needs a deputy to book for 9th November – Jockstrap manfully stepped in.

FUTURE ABSENCES: Paxo and Soapy gave their apologies for next Monday.

SHUT DOWN: The Chair closed the Meeting and the Swear Box at 1.32 pm, pungently and strongly.

PRESENT: B.H, G.A, K.S (Left early), T.M, P.L, P.F, D.F, J.G, B.Y, F.B, C.M, J.P.

APOLOGIES: E.E, G.W, A.L, P.B, H.C, A.B-W, M.M. G.A will be absent for the next two weeks.

RESULTS: There were 2×2’s posted by the Geezer and Windscales. The D’s o D were the Laird, Soapy and Windscales on 26 points. DD’o D were Brains and the Rabbi with 28 points apiece. On 34 points, the runners up were the Prof and Kwoks. The overall winner with a magnificent 36 points was Paxo.

FINANCES: £3.00 was collected in swears.

TOASTS: To the President for his faultless organisation of the Southport trip.

To Matthew Fitzpatrick who won the British Masters.

To the Australian defenders who were resolute in their efforts to thwart the Welsh forwards with only 13 men at their disposal.

To the brave Ebola nurse who is still in grave danger.

To Leeds Rhinos who won everything except the Grand National.

To the home nations national rugby teams who succeeded in going through to the next round of the rugby World Cup.

To the Home Nations national football teams who were victorious in the last round of European qualification.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

MATTERS ARISING: The Comp. Sec. was alarmed to discover that there was no 2’s money collected last week. He reminded the group that a MOHGS meeting is quorate if 5 members are present, therefore the 2’s should have been collected. Last week’s protagonists held their heads in shame, but the damage was done for all to see, which made the humiliation more unpalatable.

SOUTHPORT GATHERING: The Chair reported that he is still smarting after the humiliating defeat by the Southport mob, whom he described as a bunch of old men. He further described the defeat as a total debacle. The Comp. Sec. whilst not cock a hoop about the result, reported that the course and the company were superb and he had thoroughly enjoyed the whole trip. The Southport gang are looking forward to a return match possibly on the May Bank holiday.

CHRISTMAS PARTY: The Chair called for urgent action to decide on the date of the party in light of the fact that both the Laird and Geezer will be unavailable after 7 December. Kwok proposed the 1 December as a propitious time when all members could be present. The Laird seconded the proposal and it sailed through, unanimously.

At this time, the Chair disappeared ostensibly to the bar and was never seen again. This gave the opportunity to make real progress whilst the cat was away. The Rabbi enquired of the catering staff if it would be possible to provide a curry selection for the Christmas Party. The answer was in the affirmative. A vote was taken and again there was a unanimous decision to hold the party at the clubhouse. Brains was happy and relieved that he would not have to travel into Morpeth for the festivities, since the last time this occurred he had near death experience when he was inadvertently knocked into the middle of the busy main road by a slightly inebriated Kwok. It was agreed that a trip into town after the golf might have the effect of fragmenting the group. There would be no option of party activities such as darts and doms, and the club would profit from unusually high bar takings.

The Chair was still absent at this point and the Laird who had been called upon as stand in Chair, called the meeting to a close at 1.35. The Rabbi reminded the group that next week tee times will begin at 8.40, until 9.04.

BURT ( Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: Shagpile, El Mat, Geezer, Prof, Kwok.

RESULTS: DoD was the Geezer with 25 points. DDoD was Kwok with 32 points. The runner up was Shagpile with 34 points. The winner with 37 points was the resilient Prof. Other scores were El Mat with 33 points.

APOLOGIES: Jethro will be absent for the next three weeks. Many of the MOHGS were at Formby this weekend for the Soapy away game.

Unfortunately the weather today turned rather nasty and the contestants returned to the clubhouse like drowned rats, so the meeting was short and sweet.

BURT ( Hon. Sec. )

NOTES ON SOAPY TRIP TO FORMBY HALL / SOUTHPORT & AINSDALE No minutes were taken on this venture so I have taken it upon myself to write a few notes which I hope will give a flavour of the trip to Lancashire.

Day 1 : Formby Hall G.C.

A singles stableford competition was organised under the rules of Mohgs with a few extras.

PRESENT: Soapy [K.S.] The Straggler [F.B.] Crocs [C.M.] The Kid [A.M.] The Rabbi [P.L.] Jockstrap [R.H.] Bluewatch [S.H.] Delboy [J.B.] Shotgun [A.B-W.] The Laird [D.F.] Paxo [J.P.]

RESULTS: Duffer of the Day was the Rabbi with a derisory 7 points [yes 7!!] and the Deputy Duffer was The Straggler with 20 points. Second in the individual stableford competition was Jockstrap with 33 points and congratulations to the winner – Shotgun for his outstanding effort in compiling 35 points on  a totally strange course. Their handicaps are adjusted as the attached latest Results Records to be used in the next Mohgs competition.  One 2 was posted by F.B. on the 190 yard 13th and pouches the 2s kitty of £3.00. Most points at the par 3s was shared by F.B. S.H. K.. D.F. & J.P who shared the £5 pot and The Kid won the par 5s pot of £5 with 8 points. Soapy who had prior knowledge of the rigours of Formby Hall G.C. had kindly donated special prizes for negotiating or not the numerous lakes, ponds and other water hazards featured on the course and the winners were for the most times in the water [4] Crocs & Shotgun who were each presented with replica ducks one of which aptly looked remarkably like a Croc and the winners for the least times in the water [0] were The Laird and Bluewatch who each were presented with a special golf ball.

REPORTS: The general consensus of opinion was that the course was very good and the accommodation and catering was excellent. Sometime was spent in the “19th” bar imbibing in favourite cocktails and can report that ther ewas no outstanding unsavoury behaviour though I felt that ther was some borderline cases. It was suggested that the absence of Kwok contributed to the conservatism but would not wish to comment. The weather on the sunday turned out to be commendable though those of us at the back had to complete the round in what might be best be described as “twilight” due in part to the fact that it had taken 5 hours to complete the round. However  do not let this detract from what turned out to be a wonderful beginning to our outing and ataste of things to come at Southport & Ainsdale.

Day 2 : Southport & Ainsdale G.C.

Today’s competition was to be a match between Soapy’s friends from S&A and the Mohgs of Morpeth. The match would be played on a 4 ball betterball matchplay basis and the winners would of course be the team winning the most matches. As there were eleven Mohgs attending Noel McQueen [a.k.a. Barney Rubble] who has dual nationality being a member of S&A and a Mohg  offered to play for the Mohgs in order that we could have six 4 balls and of course this kind offer was accepted by Soapy on behalf of the said Mohgs.

All the Mohgs were looking forward to playing these famous old links shared with  Hillside and Royal Birkdale Golf Clubs and  I believe from comments after the game we were far from being disappointed. Once again we were lucky with the weather having arrived under dark clouds and wet weather but it pretty much cleared up by the time we teed off. The course was a excellent test of golf even off the “yellows” and with true greens, fine tees and typical links fairways the test was to try and keep away from the gorse, heather and deep deep bunkers!! I would describe the course as outstanding as were the facilities in the club house.

Our match myself and Paxo against Dave [Hartley] and Tony [Francis] was an amiable but competetive affair mainly due to Paxo’s prowess on our side. Our hosts were very friendly and informative regarding the course and indeed some of the history of S&A. I gather that similar experiences were recieved by the other Mohgs.

Alas despite Jim’s [Paxo] valiant efforts and my lack of form in the end we sadly lost our match on the 18th which contributed to an overall victory for those interested to S&A by 4 matches to 1 with 1 halved.

The gathering in the club house after the match was highlighted by a friendly welcoming speech to the guests by Noel who along with Soapy appeared to be the organiser in chief and  within his speech did announce the result in I might add a most humane manner.

Soapy responded to Noel & the S&A congratulating them on their victory and thanking them for their support and excellent hospitality. He also presented a suitably etched trophy he has donated  for the match and any future match that may happen between the two parties. It has been mooted that S&A may come to the north east next year possibly over the weekend of the 1st May Bank Holiday which will incorporate a match versus the Mohgs.

In conclusion I would say that this sojourn has been a resounding success I for for one would like to offer my heartfelt thanks to Soapy for all the work and effort he has donated to make it so.

Jock St Rappe

Comp. Sec.

PRESENT: J.G, D.F, A.B-W, B.H, G.A, P.F, T.M, E.E, P.B, G.W, P.L, J.P, K.S, F.B, C.M.

APOLOGIES: Biggles, Falcon, Prof, Shagpile.

RESULTS: Two 2’s were posted by El Mat and Soapy. On 22 points, the DoD was the unfortunate Jocks. The DDoD on 23 points was the Laird, but in mitigation, he had only 4 hours kip after returning from his vacation in Tenerife at 3 in the morning. In joint second place were Soapy and Kwok with 37 points apiece. This week’s champine after a long absence and convalescence was the indomitable Jethro with 38 points.

TOASTS: Jethro proposed a toast to all the Celtic nations for their remarkable triumphs over the weekend in the Rugby World Cup.

The Chair at this point, rather petulantly, gave an unnecessary rebuke to Strap, after being correctly advised by the Strap on the meeting’s running order.

FINANCES: £5.60 was collected in swears.

GEEZERS CARDS: G.W(40), P.F(20), G.A(80), K.S(20), B.H(20), F.B(40), P.L(20), J.G(80), P.B(40), E.E(40), J.P(20), T.M(40), C.M(20).——–£4.80 At this juncture the Comp. Sec. made haste to repair to the bar for refreshments and inadvertently chinned the Chair, who fell in a heap a la Diego Costa, and looked around for sympathy which alas was nor forthcoming. He then rather sheepishly rubbed his chin and continued hesitantly with the meeting.

LAST WEEK’S MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED AS A TRUE RECORD.

There were no matters arising.

BUSINESS OF THE DAY: Soapy took centre stage and distributed a tome of literature to the lucky participants of the Southport jolly. He then produced a map and fluently described the directions to the course. There are currently 11 registered travellers, who should arrive at the destination no later than 1.30, for a 2 pm tee off. Some of the guests may wish to avail themselves of the par 3 course, which takes an hour and a half to complete and for which places are allocated on an ad hoc basis. Paxo agreed to give a lift to the Chair, whilst the President will be ferried to the event by the ever generous Shotgun. It was suggested that the group should leave their bases at 9-9.30 in order to arrive in good time. Soapy appealed to all contestants to rendezvous at the clubhouse as near to 1pm as possible.

The ever generous President, revealed that he intends to award special prizes to the player who loses the most balls in the water hazards and to the player who loses the least.

In the light of the recent revelations about David Cameron’s initiation ceremonies at University, the President was asked if he had succumbed to any such tomfoolery whilst he was a member of the Oxford set. The President took to his feet and revealed that he had indeed been inveigled into a sect called the Woodpeckers. He then produced pictorial evidence of the select group of eight finely tuned young male athletes as well as a well worn jumper with the woodpecker logo embellished on the midriff. Soapy would not be drawn on whether or not the sect was exclusive or indeed if their was a pecking order of peckers, but the intimation was that as peckers go, Soapy was the dogs bollocks!

CHRISTMAS PARTY: The Chair called for immediate action on the Christmas party and informed the group that there would be a detailed discussion in two weeks time. The proposal on the table at the moment is for the usual game of golf and then a trip into Morpeth for an Indian. No date has yet been set although both the Laird and the Geezer will be away after the first week of December. There was a proposal to have the party on 1 Dec. in order to accommodate the aforementioned but some thought that this was too early. The President proposed a pre and après Christmas party, tongue in cheek, but he did feel that we ought to support the Golf club by celebrating the festive occasion in the clubhouse.

The Geezer asked that the group give serious thought to having a Texas Scramble at a future Monday fixture.

The Laird revealed that the Gosforth Bowling Club were thankful for the MOHGS donation after the recent outing.

Brains has booked two tees for next Monday at 8.40 and 8.48.

There was no other business so the meeting closed at 1.40.

BURT E. KWOK( Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: R.Y, G.W, P.L, F.B, C.M, J.G,  M.M, R.H, A.L, K.S, G.A, K.S

APOLOGIES: D.F, P.B, P.F, T.M, H.C, A.B-W.

RESULTS: There was one 2 posted  by C.M. DoD with 28 points was Shagpile & DDoD with 30 points was the Straggler. Biggles was the runner up with 36 points. The winner with a creditable 38 points was the ever popular Soapy.

GEEZERS CARDS: A.L(80p), R.Y(40p), J.G(40p), C.M(60p), G.A(20p), F.B(20p), —-£2.80.

SWEAR BOX: Total of £2.20

The Rabbi took charge of the Geezer’s Cards & Swear Box funds totalling £5.00

TOASTS: To the G.B. Tennis team led by Andy Murray for their defeat of Oz. And reaching the final of the Davis Cup.

To Soapy and The Straggler for their succeses in the last Seniors Competition

To Jocks for the organisation of the match etc. at the excellent away day at Beamish Park G.C.

LAST WEEK’S MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

MATTERS ARISING: The Straggler reported that he had received criticism from certain parties on the fact that he had represented the Dirty Dozen at Beamish and that if he had played for the Mohgs and Jocks had played for the Dirty Dozen the result would have been 3-3. This of course has no scientific basis as there is no way of knowing what the results of different individual matches would have been with the revised pairings chosen by the captain. The D.D. were one short and as the Straggler was an ex member of BPGC and Jocks had stated in the past that in these matches he would play for the “away” team when possible the Straggler agreed to play for the D.D. who were one man short in the interests of friendship and comraderie. The situation was further complicated when Desmond [N.B.] dropped out after the pairings had been finalised but this was overcome by the inclusion of the 2nd reserve Shagpile with slight adjustment to the pairings in order to allow him to share a buggy with Soapy.  J.G., G.W., and M.M. departed about this time if not before.

A.O.B. : The Rabbi and Jocks had played the final of the Chairman’s Quaich which was won by Jocks 5&4 who was presented with the said Quaich which he humbly accepted and was asked to immediatelty return it to Crocs for engraving the allegedly solid silver trophy.

TEE TIMES NEXT WEEK: Tee booked next Monday @ not known.

Meeting closed about 13.15 pm

Jock St Rappe

Temp. Sec.

PRESENT: B.Y, G.W, H.C, J.P, P.F, P.L, F.B, C.M, J.G, T.M, M.M, A. B-W.

APOLOGIES: B.H, D.F, A.L, K.S, P.B.

RESULTS: There was 1 x 2 by T.M. DoD with 23 points was Shotgun. DDoD with 24 points was Shagpile. Crocs was the runner up with 35 points. The winner with a remarkable 37 points off the white tees was the resourceful Rabbi.

GEEZERS CARDS: P.L(20p), B.Y(60p), P.F(20p), G.W(20p), J.G(40p), C.M(20p), H.C(20p), J.P(20p), F.B(20p), M.M(20p), A.B-W(80p).—-£3.40.

THERE WAS NOTHING DEEMED WORTHY OF TOASTING.

The swears total was £2.40.

LAST WEEKS MINUTES WERE ACCEPTED.

MATTERS ARISING: Delboy was spitting pips about the fact that he was reported as being behind with his payment for the Southport trip. He allegedly contacted Soapy for his bank details in order to transfer the cash into the Old Codgers account but received no reply and is indeed still waiting for a reply. The other Beaton brother, the Chair, is under the impression that Soapy owes him and that in recompense, Soapy will be paying for his accommodation.

AOB: H.C was unhappy with the fact that no one seems to have a scorecard on Mondays and they are becoming too reliant on the Chair to provide the cards. The Chair shrugged his huge shoulders and reassured Harry that it was no big deal and that he was more than happy to provide this little service for the boys.

BEAMISH: The Chair appealed for everyone to attend promptly next week. He suggested an arrival time of 9-9.30, in order to leave plenty of time for coffee and sandwiches.

There was general consensus that there is not enough sand in the bunkers. The Chair agreed but counselled that it was the responsibility of others to make appropriate arrangements.

The Falcon and Kwok apologised for their absences for the next couple of weeks.

There being no other business, the meeting closed at 1.15.

BURT E. KWOK( Hon. Sec.)

PRESENT: FB ‘The Straggler’ (who did a prompt bunk after the first toast), PL ‘The Rabbi’ (who took the chair), DF ‘The Laird’, JG ‘Brains’, CM ‘Crocs’, KS ‘Soapy’, GW ‘El Matador’, GA ‘Windscale’, AL ‘Biggles’, BY ‘Prof’

TOASTS: To Soapy who won, down in East Anglia, for the honour of the MOHGS, one of the oldest trophies in golf, the Sib-Sud Cup, purchased for half a crown. This venerable trophy, used in annual matches which have been contested for 50 years, was tabled. ‘Sib’ has played in the past with the MOHGS, and he will be most welcome on his next visit, with a suggested nickname of ‘Meccano’.

To Mo Farah for winning everything in sight.

APOLOGIES: On this Bank Holiday the list of absentees was long – Jockstrap, Bert Kwok, The Cardinal, The Geezer, Shotgun, The Falcon, Shagpile, Paxo and Jethro.

MINUTES: Crocs requested amendments to last week’s minute, “One 2 was carded by lucky old Crocs who pocketed a whole heap of cash”. He was ruffled by the two adjectives preceding his name. This grave matter needs full debate when the Secretary is next present.

RESULTS: No 2’s were achieved, but The Laird, who was presenting the results, embarked on a lengthy aside describing how very close he came. He was cut short, since all present simply wanted to hear the facts of the day – for 2’s, £2 was carried forward.

Duffer of the Day was Windscale, with 28 points, earning +2 on his MOHGS handicap, and Deputy Duffer was The Straggler with 29 points, raising him by +1.

Runner Up with 34 points was the rampant Rabbi who gets reduced by 1.

There were no less than 4 winners, all with 36 points. Hence this was the day of the big chopper, and those who are now 2 points shorter are the brilliant Biggles, the mighty Matador, the peerless Prof and slippery Soapy.

The split of Prize Money, ‘£7 for first, and £3 for second’, was about to call for advanced arithmetic, when the acting Chairman stepped in and cut the Gordian Knot with supreme generosity. He had already pocketed the runner up’s money, but handed back £1 (with perhaps a little reluctance), so that all 5 winners received £2. The meeting felt that this rare voluntary gesture should be recorded for posterity.

Other scores, to complete the Comp Secretary’s records, were Crocs 30, Brains 31 and The Laird 32.

SWEAR BOX: The funds were enriched by £1-80, including an on the spot addition from The Laird, complaining in fruity language that he had been addressing his ball when the President shouted across the 9th fairway to the Chairman that wee noggins had been left by the 10th tee.

GEEZER’S CARDS: In total £3 was tabled: from Biggles 80p, Rabbi 20p, Prof 40p, Windscale 60p, Crocs 80p, and Soapy 20p.

THE FUNDS: In view of his magnificent magnanimity, it seemed fitting that The Rabbi should pocket all the revenues detailed above, for safe keeping.

CHRISTMAS PARTY: The Acting Chairman ruled that today there should be no discussion of this weighty matter.

DIRTY DOZEN: The Captain of this forthcoming match, Brains, reported that he had one withdrawal, Noel Beaton, but he hoped to fill the hole with Shagpile, who would  be consulted on Wednesday.

PRESIDENTIAL PERAMBULATION TO SOUTHPORT: In answer to the Acting Chair, Soapy confirmed that all was tied up, and was then asked if everyone had paid. This is largely so, with two brothers now being the leading debtors.

TEE TIMES: Times for next Monday have been booked as usual.

APOLOGIES FOR NEXT WEEK: Biggles will be missed; The Laird and Soapy are playing in the Seniors’ match at Matfen, and The Rabbi is first reserve for this.

FINISH: The Acting  Chair closed the proceedings with impressive efficiency at the notable time of 12-58.

Soapy the Scribe